Forever and ever

Its funny how these things happen, if you are patient enough, something comes along that really makes your day. No, I didnt win the Powerball lottery, or even the UK lottery lol. As I dont do either, it would be pretty tricky to do so anyway.

But in a sense, something that arrived in my email box this morning is far more precious to me than that. What you may be asking yourselves? 2 photos of someone I never met, and never will now, in this world at least. Yes, I finally know what the late ‘Sara Castle’ looked like, as I was sent 2 pictures today by a mutual friend, thanks go to Kim for that. At the same time, its a bit of a funny feeling seeing her now, only after she’s gone from this world. And no, I’m not posting a picture of her here either, for the most obvious reason.

I may never have actually met her, but we chatted by email for years, about good things, bad things, and plenty else beside, some of which you’re better off not knowing about lol! And to save you asking, it was the big C that got her, even though she managed to hide the worst details of it from her friends until quite literally, she was gone from us. If I’d known, I could have gone and visited, she was in the UK, if at the opposite end of England to me, but for her it would have been a trip I would happily have made. But no, given we only found out just how serious it had been after she was gone, it wasnt to be.

Funny thing is, I still have the very last email I sent her, though she never saw it., Thats right, it was sent after I knew she was dead, to her email box, just so I could say the right words before tying up those ends, and starting again. Sadly I dont have the last email I sent her that she had read, I accidentally deleted that a long time ago, nor do I have the last one she sent me either unfortunately.

But at least now, I have 2 pictures of her, to keep for as long as I’m around, and thats something special for me.

The video, a very young Midge Ure, in his first group, with lyrics and a title that seem quite apt

What have I done to deserve this?

Yes, for once of late, the clue to the video really is in the title lol!

No, its not someone taking me out to Valentines Day dinner, or anything like that, before anyone jumps to that conclusion, no one is that crazy! And as is stated, as mind control is purely fiction, I cant make someone do that, ah well…! Would be pretty hard on any guy, or girl anyway, lets face it, given my views on sex, romance and the like, but hey, I can dream, cant I?

But if anyone wants to at least send an e-card, it might be nice. Havent had an actual card this century, though there is someone at work saying he was going to get me one this year, but lets just wait and see, shall we? The late Sara C did send me one once by email, but thats it since then. But no, as I havent got a love, I guess I shouldnt expect one, but…

No, this is a far more entertaining tale than that in all honesty. Over at the MC Garden, we have lots of nice picture threads, on a board called Entrancing Murals. One of those is called the Latex Yumminess thread, and no prizes for working out that it might relate to latex clothing, is there? The thing is, every once in a while, people bemoan tha lack of pictures of members (even though you have to be a member to see in, its still the internet, so…), and of late there have been one or two dares of female members being bought items of latex clothing, if they would get a picture done, and post it. Now, I always suspected I wasnt a main target, I assumed they were trying to tempt the younger members into taking up the offer, and of course they dont. And occasionally they would bemoan the fact that this offer never got taken up.

Anyway, one evening, when I was in my best ‘wind-up bitch’ mode, something I’m sure Brooksie would be proud of, I threw down the gauntlet, and said, fine, get me something suitable for a woman of my age, and I’ll wear it. Lets face it, I could wear a latex catsuit, but at my age, it wouldnt be right. Well, it might be in some eyes, but I wouldnt have thought so. But dress, or skirt, then fine, I’ll do it.

There was a gentle silence, presumably while they hoped someone younger, and prettier might rise to the bait, but they didnt. Then someone who makes me look retiring, Rosie, started wonding them up too. So now, after all this, in the next few weeks, a silver latex skirt will be heading my way, which should be fun. How much it gets worn beyond the pictures, I have no idea, lets just wait and see. But hey, in my collection will be one item of latex, something I never imagined in my wildest dreams.

So I’d like to say a big thank you to one special guy at the Garden, no names here, but if he sees this, he’ll know who I mean. Hey, if you’re lucky, I might even post a picture here, as well as at the Garden! It will be a few weeks though, so you need to be patient for now, but…

Yes, now for the video. Perfect combination for sexual tension, a gay guy, and a lesbian woman. And yes, they are lip synching, but anything more would be hard to find! Just enjoy, without me having to use mind control on you…

Taken too young

This is one of those blogs that just needed to be written, and came about because of something I read earlier today.

On this weeks update at the EMCSA, is a story aptly called “In Memory”, and though I didnt write it, its still something special to me. Why, its from the Sara Castle memorial exhibition that I ran back in March, a year after her untimely death, at far too young an age. No, before you check, Castle was not her real surname. I know what it was, but again no, I’m not telling, even now.

I dont know why this one, rather than any of the others reposted set me off on memories, but thats all beside the point. It might well be because its the sort of story I know she would have loved, but thats just guessing? Anyway, just thought it was worth mentioning, and eulogising over.

But before anyone says I’m too focussed on that issue, lets turn to the music video tonight, and someone who was taken from us at an even younger age, just 30. I suspect many nowadays will just say “Who?” when the name Jim Croce is mentioned, hardly surprising, he died in an airplane crash nearly 40 years ago. Indeed, but for a DJ back then (and TV presenter now) named Noel Edmonds, I might do the same. Sadly, I only discovered him that way after he had already died. This isnt the only name that he helped me to find, the other most notable (and also taken too young) being Harry Chapin, but there were others.

This song though, seems rather apt as a testimony to all these people (and others) who were taken from us too young

2 landmarks this week

Yes, I know, its been a while. Sorry, but I did warn you at least! Tomorrow will again be manic, then 3 days off, then it drops down to only being crazy level at work lol! Still, 5 weeks tomorrow, for 1 glorious week, I wont care, will be many thousands of miles from here in Seattle. Only snag will be the fact that I will have to come back 1 week later, but hey, I dont get much go my way in life!

As I say, there have been 2 landmarks this week that desrve mention, though many have noticed one, and her friends have noticed another, a much sadder one. Yes, I’m a year older numerically today, happy birthday and all that! At my age I probably dont need reminding about them anyway lol! I’ve had a nice day, but to be honest, not having to go to work was probably the best present I was going to get today anyway!

The other landmark date earlier this week that I mentioned is a much sadder one. It was one year ago on Tuesday that my dear friend Sara Castle left this life behind, dying of cancer. Sadly, only being a cyber friend, it was nearly a fortnight later that we got confirmation of the sad news that her friends all feared. I wanted to post about this on the blog on Tuesday, but 10 hour shifts, plus 3 hours travel rather kills off time for posting on things like this. So alright, a few days late, but has to be said, Sara Castle, RIP, and much missed by friends.

The video, well this goes back to an email I wrote to her father after we got the news. I lost count of the amount of times Sara promised me a photograph, but it never arrived. I asked her father if he had one, and if so, would he send it to me. He said if he could find one, he would, but nothing ever arrived, I’m sure that wasnt his priority anyway. So, this seems apt

I know, I posted it for something else here, but it just seems right for now

I want to know what love is!

Yes, assuming the right people read this, it may bring about an amusing reply or two. If someone wants to think this is about him, then fine, or maybe its just another massive tease on my behalf.

Right, balloons deflating as we talk.I suspect? EMCSA stories have just about every level of sex going, from the stories that drive me crazy by being nothing more than one long pornographic scene, right through to the artists who barely bring the matter up, or ignore it completely! Technically you cant ignore it for a story at the website, but some do a pretty good job of it all the same, me included at times!

But the stories there are a fine case of you can have sex, without any modicum of love, but you nearly always get sex if love plays any part in the story. And lets face it, its not often just plain missionary position sex either lol. Just about every known position, plus a few hopefully purely in fantasies seems to spring to life in said stories. Me, my sex is generally pretty straightforward, but not always, it has to be said. But equally, I’ve never written a long sex scene in my life, while others can use several thousand words describing exactly the same thing.

So, all writers are different, but then I think we knew that already. And we all write various sexual permutations as well. But not all seem to know what love is. Many because its “just about the sex, baby.”, but there are a few like me who just dont understand love as a concept. Or thought they didnt, though one person is trying to end that mystery for me, thats for sure. Whether it works, whether it comes to anything, hey, who knows, there is a lot of time zones between us. Also, as could be said flirting between messaging friends can be fun, doesnt mean it needs to be taken seriously by either of them.

But yes, someone seems to be doing his best to melt my icy heart, or is that unweld the metal one, who really knows? All I know is, that for the first time since Sara left this life, I’ve got someone who I like seeing messages from in my email box, and thats been a while, just over a year in fact.

As tonights video mentions, “In my life, I’ve had heartache and pains, I dont know if I can face that again.” so I’m not sure how far things can possibly go at any point, mainly because of my heart, mind, and previous traumas in romance. There is also the small problem of how independent I’ve come in life as well.

But I just wanted to say thanks to someone, for giving me a reason (other than to clear out spam) for opening up my email box again, its much appreciated.

The video, well if you havent worked it out by now…I’m disappointed in you! Absolute 80’s power ballad classic for your delight

I just hope someone doesnt kill me for actually posting this!

Oh, and due to the crazy shift arrangements I have at work, I’m now working 9 days on the trot, a good number with overtime tossed in for good measure. So dont expect any new postings before my birthday, my next day off, and I had to ask for that. I dont expect gifts, though any would be nice, given I never get much due to lack of family. But any e-cards would be appreciated, especially Brooksie related ones.

End of begging lol!

It was about a year ago today…

That emails, and private messages started to flow between a group of people on, and around the Garden, and we all began to fear the worst. Yes, it was about 2 weeks since any of us had heard anything from Sara C, and a combination of concern, fear, and a sense of dread set in as we all feared the worst. Her last email had been fairly upbeat, discussing the new job she had been applying for, and other positive matters, which was why we were so surpised when we subsequently heard nothing from her.

Of course, the fact that she’d been hiding just how bad her illness was from us was the only reason we were so surprised. When a few weeks later, we heard the truth, and reality from her father by email, I dont think any of us were truly surprised by the news. She had by then been dead for a couple of weeks, leaving us behind on the 11th, or 12th March.

But I’m posting tonight, because this is the anniversary of when what could only be termed, the ‘great concern’ started, some of us fearing the worst had already happened, but at least we were wrong on that front.

In a sense, this is a test to find out which Garden, and/or Forum people read my blog, and give them a few days advantage if they do.

I have the monthly writing contest on the Forum, which I will be running concurrently on the Garden as well of course. My own contest, trade secret until Thursday, or late Wednesday at least, I might have to ask permission to cheat on that front, as Thursday is the only day I’m working this week, so time will be at a premium.

But there will be a second event, the Sara C memorial exhibition, for which the rules are very simple. Write a story that Sara would enjoy reading, and hopefully say that she wished she’d written it herself, simple as that! If anyone from outside those groups want to know what that means, then ask. Email me at and I’ll let you know. There are also certain characters she made famous, that I would love to see given one more curtain call as well, most noticeably Carmine Belch, but I fully understand if most see her characters as a road they dont want to go down.

I tried to pick something apt for the video, and think the title at least fits in with that. I have no idea what Sara’s musical tastes were, so I wouldnt know if she would love, or hate it! Hopefully she would enjoy…

I miss her, and so does my email box

Its a funny thing, my robotunit8 email box used to be pretty much guaranteed 1 email per day until about 6 months ago, and I must say I miss them. The other irony is that she is one person who I regret will never see any of these blogs.  So alright, anyone coming here from the 2 MC Forums will know who she is,  but for others, I will respect her anonymity, and just call her Sara C.

Is it daft to say she was probably my best friend, when I never in fact met her, was never really all that likely to meet her, and despite several promises, I never even saw a photo of what she looked like. Yes, it is daft, but it was how I felt about her all the same. I have no idea what first brought us together, though I suspect a good bet would be one of my reviews of one of her stories, seems about the only obvious way it would have happened.

But for reasons best known to ourselves, a real friendship developed, even if it was only ever going to be a cyber one, and emails passed between us most nights, other than when she was away in hospital, or I was on a jet somewhere over the Atlantic! The funny thing was, I could read her under exagerration skills like a book, but even so, the end for me was still a bit of a shock, simply because of the level she was hiding things from her friends, as to just how ill she really was. I think I knew mid February that something was really bad, despite the emails I was getting, even more so when they simply stopped arriving. I got one more after that, about a fortnight later, saying that things werent too bad really, and that she would write again soon. The fact is, she didnt, she died 2 or 3 weeks later from cancer (and no, to this day, other than reading between the lines, I have no idea what cancer. I think I worked it out, but will never be sure.), and the only way we found out was because ‘Kim’ emailed her, and her father picked it up, and wrote back to him with the dreadful news, though I dont think her close friends were too surprised to hear it, it still came as a great shock.

Nowadays my poor email box is fairly quiet, apart from the odd PM from both Forums arriving there. Its had livelier times , not just Sara, but the odd email re stories, but they’ve pretty much dried up too. Of course, if I was still pounding out emails to Sara, I probably wouldnt have time for the blogs! In a sense, this, and my personal ones are the salve to keep me writing anything in all honesty, just in case I ever get back to story writing, and no James, dont say a word on that!

One last thing I havent mentioned to anyone before, and I know it sounds silly. After I heard the news, I sent 1 email to Sara. I know, I was never going to get an answer, but because of the way things happened, I had to let out a few feelings. I know no one read it, well she certainly didnt, but I was glad I wrote it all the same.

RIP Honey, you are sorely missed by many.