Cruel to be cloned?

I know, I’m easy going about such matters, and besides I need to do a suitable blog for her, and this is meant to be weird stuff, so…?

On the 24th May, I went to my Doctor’s surgery for a standard blood test, sort of 2 month follow up on the one done after my initial brain seizures. Of course, not very long before that, I’d had the next bout (not sure if its 2nd, or 3rd?) of seizures, an overnight stay in a hospital, and numerous blood tests done. But still, had to be done…

Last week, just over the standard week you leave these things for results, I rang, they hadnt got them back, but then again, there’d been a bank holiday, so maybe not a big shock? So I left it another week, and tried again today. Staff at surgery still cant find the results, so told to leave it with them.

This afternoon, the surgery rang back, they are nowhere to be found, hospital has no trace of them! As she said to me, they know they took my blood, they know the sample was collected, but after that…? Its probably just got lost, or mixed up with another sample at the hospital, but…was it?

Was my sample collected by aliens, dressed as medical people, and whisked off to the home planet that Eric reckons I come from? I should be so lucky, but anyway… Talking of which, someone recently put up the trailer video for ‘V’, so I played along with thats how I arrived on Earth.

Or was it a mad scientist with plans to screen my blood, so that he could clone Clara Johnson? Well…

Yes, I would say the chances of the latter 2 options is 0.01% or less, but wouldnt it be fun if they had?

Anyway, the blood test is now being done again on 26th, but it does mean I wont have the results when I see the neurologist next week. And does that mean that will be checks, or brainwashing, well…? Sadly, the former, I guess? But a girl can hope…? Not sure how much there is left to wash, anyway!

Video time. You might have worked out the song, but this is the ‘Behind the scenes’ version for added fun!

 

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Under your control?

OK, if you want the serious look at the fact that, finally, I’m only 3 weeks away from being checked over by a neurologist, go find the other blog, its there. On the other hand, if you want the more suitable, mind controlled/brainwashing blog for this sort of site, you’re in the right place, so please read on.

The one thing I really dont need to be told by the neurologist (though I’m sure they will) is that my brain is no longer going to function as a normal brain would. 2 hospitals, and 2 other sets of medical staff have already made that very clear to me, and the fact I wont be going back to work has been settled too. So really, all I’m waiting for now is the official confirmation of these facts, and hopefully get a bit more clue as to what caused the seizures in the first place.

No, sadly, I’m not expecting to be offered any of an AI interface with whats left of my brain, a full AI brain replacement, or even a full body robot/android replacement given that my knees, back, and wrist are in less than perfect condition. Yes, I’d love any, or all of those being offered, but being practical, they’re not really available at present. But who knows, maybe they’re just waiting for a willing guinea pig, but I doubt it.

But as a mind control story writer, there were a couple of related things I wondered about, related to the state of my brain. Firstly, the practical one, hypnosis. Does the fact my brain has been messed up make me easier, or harder to hypnotise? I can see a case for both, in truth.

Easier, well, lets face it, my brain has taken a bit of a bashing, and therefore should be less resisting than a normal brain, therefore making me easier to hypnotise, as I’m less in a position to resist commands. Inversely, does it make me harder to hypnotise, because my brain no longer follows all the standard patterns into trance as naturally as before?

Anyone got any ideas? Anyone want to hypnotise me for free, and see what I think, or not think, as the case may be.

The other (less practical) thing I was thinking about, in relation to this, was brainwashing. Would it now be easier to erase my mind completely, because there is less there than before, and its been bashed around, or is it the opposite, harder, because my brain doesnt work as a human mind should?

Given that as far as I know (sadly), thorough and complete brainwashing isnt yet possible in that sense, this can probably only be considered theoretically. If anyone actually believes they can do this, and just need a guinea pig, let me know.

I do vaguely remember someone, when I first got into writing mind control stories claiming that he could actually brainwash someone by hypnosis, but I never heard any more about it, from him, or any victim, so I assume it was just bragging. Or maybe he just made a couple of young, attractive, brainwashed female slaves for himself, and did a runner, but I doubt the latter!

But I suppose in the sense of this thesis, again, if anyone has any thoughts, or proof, let me know.

I must admit, having an EEG, and having my brain wired up like that is probably going to give me a fit of the giggles for all the wrong reasons. Similarly, the MRI tube, is probably going to be much the same, in pure brainwashing tube sense. I know, not going to happen, but an old woman can dream?

OK, video time. Would it be possible to have me under Master’s, or Mistresses’s thumb? Yes, I would love it, but anyway… No, I was never going to find a live performance of this, the sort of multi layer stuff that Godley & Creme (and previously 10 cc) produced could never truly be replicated live, so this will have to do!

The lesser of 3 evils?

Here in the UK (before my US readers tell me I’ve got the wrong dates), next week is Mental Health Awareness Week. I know, so in theory I should blog this next week, but given how reliable my memory is at present, lets get it written up while I remember it. I know, I could store it, but I need to post something tonight, and time is running short, so…

I suppose, relating to me, its how you define mental health. If you relate it purely to depression type issues, then I dont have a mental health issue. If you relate it more generally to any way in which your mind is functioning less than perfectly, then yes, I do have mental health issues! Just that ironically, until I am able to actually see a Neurologist (NHS, 18th June at present), I have no idea what it is. Given that 3 separate medical people (or set of people) have told me I wont be working again, I assume its pretty serious, but exactly what, who knows? If anyone has the money to let me see a neurologist privately, or someone wants to offer said services for free, sooner?

Funnily enough, it was only this morning that I was reading about Emilia Clarke (Game Of Thrones, I gather, never seen it) having suffered 2 brain aneurysms, and then having memory issues, though it doesnt seem to have done her acting career too much harm, but she’s a lot younger, and probably a lot more talented than me (certainty, but dont want people biting my head off, lol), but good for her for doing so. No, I’m not saying thats what happened to me, but the more I read, the more concerned I get. I also read something about what my limited knowledge (and Wikipedia) leads me to, is that what happened to me can easily knock 10 years off your lifespan. Fine, if I’m that busted, that may not be a bad thing, but anyway…

As those who have been around for a while will know, a few years back, I wrote a story relating to the use of ECT. No real experience, but no reviewer said I got it all wrong, so maybe I got it roughly right? 400 volts plus, maybe I’ll still pass (though now less to damage), but a low volt research test, well, maybe? No, story is written, so probably shouldnt.

One thing I have seen mentioned since then in more ways than just a depression cure is something called Transcrancial Magnetic Stimulation (or rTMS, repetitive) which is done with magnets, albeit pretty powerful ones, which does far less memory damage, which is good, goes on for longer, and can be done while awake (both good for me), and therefore probably a lot wiser to give a try. Well, some private clinic in London (so no use to me money, or location wise) was advertising the benefits of this rTMS thing, and I was just wondering if it might ease, or cure some, or more, of my memory issues? Yes, fine, would be fun to find out, for sure.

I do know my mobility has gone to pieces since the seizures, but I’m assuming thats relating to the part of my brain that was damaged by the seizures. I know, I couldnt walk miles, but I could do 1/2 mile or so, currently even a few hundred yards is too much of a challenge!

So yes, I probably would give rTMS a go, though pass on ECT. At the same time, I’m not going to do anything until after I’ve seen the neurologist, and hopefully get the full picture, arent I good? Though fine, having my mind ‘zapped’ in that way appeals no end!

So yes, think about Mental Health Awareness Week (UK) next week, and just remember that mental health isnt just about depression (though that is a major issue), but so much more as well.

OK, video time. Yes, cynical choice. Hard to believe this is nearly 50 years old, and no this 14 year old (as I was at that time), was not among the dancers, I only wish I was!

Reading between the lines

Quite ironic writing this, given the other blog today was about Earth Day, and all the matters relating to helping to protect the planet, and then I do this one about a car journey yesterday. But fine, there is a special reason, even if I didnt make the journey then.

Yesterday, the other 2 from here went out for a while on a trip. Ella asked Eric where he wanted to go, and his answer initially was the coast, and then he added, Blackpool. To say both of us were surprised by his choice was putting it mildly. I mean, after all, the last time he was there, was collecting me from hospital at the end of my stay there after my seizures, and yes, he was on the tram with me when they happened. I suppose there is an assumption that he wanted to put it behind him, but who knows?

Put it this way, I do want to, at some point, go back to Blackpool, and ride the trams myself. Hell, I’m still hoping I can get back to work at the Winter Gardens at some point, though in truth, until I see the neurologist, I have no idea how practical that aim will be. My mobility was questionable at times before this, and as for now…? But yes, until I’m told otherwise, its still a target. But do it, yesterday, no way.

The other reason why I wouldnt have wanted to do it yesterday is the simple one, the matter of timing. A sunny, Easter Sunday, at one of the more popular holiday resorts in the country, for a very much disabled lady, I dont think so. I’m hoping, all things permitting, that maybe this autumn I can get there, (have 3 nights credit from last month, generously from guest house), see the illuminations, and ride the tram for the full length. Practical? Who knows, but it gives me a target at least at present. No, I’m not seriously committing to anything before I get the views of the neurologist, but hopefully I can still do something with my life at least.

Retirement on medical grounds sounds quite likely, but a quiet, church mouse type retirement, I hope not! Though I do accept acting roles might be beyond my realm, all the same. But to never see Blackpool again, I really hope not!

OK, video time. I must admit this song title always amused me, from a group I enjoy the music of. Funnily enough, despite the title, its nothing to do with Jean Harlow. But its about dreams, and how things dont always work out as planned. Thankfully I dont have any parents left to worry about! Prelude are great, please give it a listen, just for this old lady’s sake, OK?