Turn me into the perfect wife, and mother, please!

I have a friend who thinks I’ll make the perfect step mother for his children. Yes, as I’m sure he’s unlikely to read this, I’ll happily question his sanity on that matter. Me, who has very happily never had any children in her life, as a mother? Yes, fine, stop laughing now…maybe?

The other snag for me, is that I am thoroughly out of practice in all other issues relating to motherhood! Yes, those little things like being the perfect cook, and everything else, hopelessly out of practice. I’m the only one in the house thats working, so the others tend to do the meals. And fine, even when they’re away, like next week, its going to be meals, of the ready cooked kind, because of the time factor, by the time I get home from work, and the fact I’m hopelessly out of practice at doing anything more.

And yes, I’m talking years, and lots of them since I last did any real, serious cooking, about 15 in all honesty. So, someone thinking I make perfect mother material, hmm? Of course, I guess I can become good mother material, with time, and practice, but yes, there are times when I wish I could be turned into the perfect 50’s housewife, just like that, a la Stepford method ideally! Fine, I’d enjoy that far too much, but why not?

I dont know, can a 58 year old, who has never had kids, has done limited housekeeping skills in many years, and so much more, become the perfect mother? Seriously? It may well be one of those situations where I’ll jump in the water, and swim like a duck, as I guess when something needs to be done, and you get into a groove, it becomes easier?

But yes, what I’m saying is, if anyone knows of a handy neural download, or a complete mental makeover, that would make me at least a semi decent mother, then please, do it to me, asap! Stepford wife supreme would be heavenly, but anything that gives me the skills to be the near perfect home maker, yes please! My wonderful friend, Stacie is saying she’s going to do just that to me, but sadly, I think she’s kidding!

Oh, fine, I have an incentive, lets face it. Who wouldnt want to be a step mum in California, lets face it? Its just that I want to at least be good at it, for his sake, and his children’s sake too, but as things stand, hmm?

So yes, if anyone knows any method that can turn me into a good housewife/working wife, and mum, let me know, I think I might need it! Fine, I’m sure I do, but…

Right, the video. Well, you know me, I love all things vintage, and yes, being ‘transformed’ into the dream 50’s mum/housewife, would be heavenly. In truth, my heart is probably in the 30’s, but of course, the whole ‘dream mother’ scenario of Stepford is so 50’s, that…

Not that this woman would make the perfect 50’s mum, it has to be said. Perfect sex kitten, absolutely, mind. Folks, let me introduce the absolutely amazing, Eartha Kitt!

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Someone think I’ll make a mother!

No, dont panic too much, given its one of those online things, and the fact that we are currently 8 time zones apart, make it unlikely that it will actually happen, but its an amusing thought, all the same. But I did realize he thought I had potential when he told me that he’d shown my pictures to his children, and all that. Seriously, me, a mother, cant see it!

Yes, its one of those guys who’s seen my picture on Facebook, and for some strange, unexplained reason seems to have fallen in love with me. Given we’ve never met, and apart from a few words, over a crackly messenger service, never spoken to each other, let alone anything more!

Fine, he seems nice enough, as much as I can tell from chats we’ve had, but that doesnt mean a lot. Besides which, in me, you’re talking an ‘old maid’ who hasnt had any relationships in about 16 years, with anyone, and who has never had a maternal instinct in her life!

I’m sure, at some point soon, he’s going to see sense, and go off me, or find someone else to work his charms on! No, short of a neural download that turns me into a perfect mother, I cant see me, and kids, to be honest, but who knows?

As I say, it was nice chatting to him, and all that, and I could live with the love pledges, when it was just me, and him, but then when he said he’d shown my photo to his kids, eek! I know it might be my way of becoming a California girl, but seriously, as a mother, hmm?

Alright, you can stop laughing now!

The video, well, if my mother was still alive, I might be saying this to her!