The lady dances

(Clue, do not take this too seriously!)

Not that any of you would have noticed it, because I only ever type the blogs up in the evening, UK time, but I was actually offline for the first half of the day today. Officially the reason was that my laptop had a corruption issue with my user profile log in, and therefore I couldnt get on here. So yes, today, I’m miles behind pace. I did think about passing on the blog tonight, and try to catch up, but what the hell…?

Right, as I said, thats the official reason. Only because you wouldnt believe the actual one, OK? πŸ˜‰

So, in truth, I’ve been in contact with some crazy scientist guy, who claimed he could make me look like a young Clara Johnson, with all her dancing skills, so that when I fly into Las Vegas next month, and a friend of a friend offers me a contract as a showgirl dancer, I can take him up onΒ  his offer, and make my fortune in skimpy outfits, dancing like a dream, and getting to marry a millionaire at the end of it.

No, I didnt believe him, but I thought I’d call his bluff, so…

Fine, its a bit weird only being about 5 ft 4 tall, and only weighing about 125, but I’ll get used to it, I guess? And hey, its lovely being young, free from arthritic, and back pain, and having amazing dancing skills. But yeah, I guess I’ll get used to it? Who me, dancing in heels, seriously? Fine, I miss the boobs, but hey, nothings perfect, giggle! Now, all I have to do is convince my friend that I really do want her to arrange a producer to meet me at the airport, with said contract, and then wait for men to fall into my lap! Or something close to my lap, anyway, giggle!

OK, fine, it didnt really happen, but it would have been a lot more fun than the real reason I was offline all morning, is that my poor old laptop (its about 10 years old, to be fair) is just getting as old, and moody as its owner!

Mind, if anyone reads this, and wants to arrange for that show dancer makeover for me, just give me a call, OK? πŸ˜‰

Right, video time. Here, you get the honor of a real rare event, a decent movie close up of Miss Clara Johnson (though she was working as Elaine, her middle name at the time). Yes, if you freeze the film, about 4 minutes 13 seconds, thats her! Its one of two actual credits she got as a chorus line dancer, ooh! Watch the rest, entirely up to you, but if you want to know ‘how I look’, this would be it!

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Just be good for me

Alright, seeing I’m lacking for inspiration, and given that I’m sure that people who come here for robot stuff arent interested in diversity issues, so lets talk pills instead. No, sadly not robotization pills, or anything interesting like that, just useful painkillers, for ‘old crocks’ like me!

Its fair to say that over the 9 months since my back got seriously damaged, I might have spent a fair bit of money on the prescriptions for all the painkillers I need. Even more so, with the need for the extra ones I took to help me get through the winter. Thankfully, my Kofi campaign earned me one big one off donation, and another generous patron has been helping to top up my funds for me through there, because having had to cut back on my work days, I really havent had the money for them, in truth. Ironically, now, I wont have to pay for them!

No, sadly, no mad scientist has transformed my back from damaged bone, into perfect cybernetic material, if only! No, the reason I will no longer have to pay for them (starting this week) is a simple one, I’m old!

I assumed that like everything else for seniors (or pretty much everything, at least), the age for free prescriptions had risen along the lines of retirement, pension, and the like. No, it seems that like railcards, coach cards, and oh, meals at some places, you still qualify for free prescriptions at 60! Yes, annoyingly, last month, I would have run out of pills on the weekend I hit 60, and as I was away in Blackpool, I had to pay for them. In truth, I only found out they were free after I got back anyway! Given they last about 4 weeks, I’ll be getting my first free prescription on Thursday! Sadly, the gel I have to use on my back isnt prescribed, but as a workmate is providing me with her excess at present, I’m not paying for that at the moment anyway!

So, there really is one blessing of getting old I guess? Still rather not need them, but anyway…But fine, they’re not going to do much with a damaged back, unless they really have to, far too many risks. So I guess I’ll have to put up with it? Well, unless a mad scientist has a nice rejuvenation, or robotization chamber he wants to test out, and then…? πŸ˜‰

Tonights video is a song that will probably mean nothing across the Atlantic, and was a one hit wonder over here, so how many remember it? But yes, you might recognize Fatboy Slim, aka Norman Cook, in one of his numerous line ups over the years.

The last modern day blog?

Before anyone starts to panic, no this isnt the last one, honest it isnt, but I want to be silly, one last time before I hit 60, and as a concept title, and a play on the video, it works perfectly, so…

Yes, tomorrow, I hit 60, and officially, as far as some places see it at least, I become a senior citizen. Strictly, at time of writing, its 4 hours to go, but in a strict sense, its about 18 and a half hours yet, as I was born somewhere around 2.30 in the afternoon, I was told. But yes, as far as the records state, just 4 hours!

In a sense at least, I’m actually winding the years back tomorrow, to about minus 30! Flapper babe, dont you know, darlings! oh fine, its an act, its a role, but if I could…

I must admit, short term at least, I’d love to go back, for a week or so at least, and live life as Clara did in the late 1920’s. Or even the early 1930’s, as long as she provided me with her dancing skills! Yes, and of course I want to be her age, so I can have all that fun, darlings! Wouldnt that be the Cats Whiskers! So all I need is a mad scientist, with a rejuvenation machine, and a time travel portal, and then…?

I wonder what it would be like, if it happened? I guess so much depends on whether I then remembered this life, or not? If I didnt, and was left a young, pretty lady, in the late 20’s, with good dancing skills, in Hollywood, or Broadway, I could probably make a pretty decent living! Clara seems to have done OK, lets face it!

Might be weirder if I remembered modern life as well, trying to get by without the blessings of internet, long distance flights, and the like! I guess if it was only for a week, I’d survive, but if it was forever? I guess I’m guilty of getting used to the benefits of modern life, even if I do still avoid ownership of cell phones whenever possible.

Oh, on the latter, I’ve had orders, due to my health issues, from tomorrow onwards (assuming I dont find said mad scientist, and get whisked back to the 1920’s, as a young woman), I will own one. Mainly because as it has been pointed out to me (by several people) that given my health issues, I really ought to have one, in case of emergencies, if nothing else. Of course, if you look at pictures, it looks like some of those stars of the past had phones…

Fine, I’m sure they’re compacts, but at first glance…? πŸ˜‰ So fine, maybe it wouldnt be out of place in 1928 lol?

So yes, if a mad scientist, or someone else turns me into a young, pretty, all dancing talent Clara Johnson lookalike tomorrow, and finds me that time travel portal, then this might be the last blog you ever see. But lets face it, the chance of that is about 0.0000000001% lol! But, I can dream…?

OK, the video. This video is quite something, almost Kraftwerk like in style. Sadly, they pretty much had a couple of hits, and that was it!

I am who I am!

Alright, by now, I’m beginning to see the funny side of it, but I certainly wasnt feeling the same way when I found this piece of news on Thursday evening, when I got home, and got on my ‘author version’ Facebook account. Though of course, the funniest thing was being able to shoot this ‘smart person’ down in flames, in the best way possible.

What had happened, is that someone had reported the name on the account to Facebook, claiming I was pretending to be someone I wasnt. Yes, thats right, thats the one with a picture of Harlean Carpenter on it, its just that its the more famous lady who was known by that name. Yes, better known to most probably as Jean Harlow!

I’m pretty sure it was someone from one of the numerous number of vintage movie groups I’m on, under that account, who did it, but obviously I have no idea who! Now, whether they just disliked anyone having an account that clearly related to the more famous Harlean, whether it was the fact that I use it as a form of advertising for my books, and stuff, or whether I just use the Harlow sassiness, while posting there, who knows?

Anyway, to cut a long story short, Facebook were asking for evidence that it was either my real name, or for me to change the name on the account, or it would be shut down in 7 days. Unfortunately for Mr (or Miss/Mrs) Clever Clogs who thought I would have to change the name on the account, or lose it, it backfired on them! Why? The obvious reason, my name really is Harlean Carpenter! So all I did was send a scan of my name on my passport to Facebook that evening, and by the time I got home Friday evening, I had confirmation that all was fine, and my account marked accordingly! I’d love to have seen that other persons face when they were told my name was legitimate!

Now, all I have to do is find a mad scientist, who can make me look just like Jean, and it would be perfect. πŸ˜€ Fine, that might be slightly harder than solving the issue Facebook laid on me! Still, I can dream…

The video, well, the blog title sort of gives it away!

Anyone want to adopt an orphan?

So fine, I’ll admit it, I was looking for inspiration for the blog tonight, and then I remembered this meme I saw yesterday. And given that the last blog was a cheeky look at ways I could move to America, I thought this was perfect as another one.

adoption offer

Yes, lets face it, the authorities would have a fit over anyone adopting a 58 year old, admit it! Apart from anything else, I’m sure the rules would have an age limit for such events, which I suspect is 18, but dont quote me on that! Right, I’m not quite the cute orphan Annie type lol!

Equally, strictly, I’m an orphan, with no known family, so…? If anyone with legal knowledge knows the answers to these matters, feel free to shout out! Think I know the answers, but… Yes, I think the marriage option is still the best one lol!

Oh fine, there is equally the mad scientist seeking a helpless female to do interesting experiments on, option, but I think, sadly, thats about as likely as being adopted! Oh, I wish! Or a Dominant, seeking a submissive…Yeah I know, pigs fly!

Alright, I’ll try to find something more original for midweek, probably Wednesday, honest I will. Yes, on a 3 day split, as I have an assessment center for an interview on Tuesday, and given its in Halifax, its probably going to chew up a fair bit of the day. So being practical, 3 days is more likely.

The video, what someone might conceivably say to me, but I doubt it!

The need for a split personality

Well, that might not solve the plight I found myself in today, more like the need for a split body, in all honesty. But fine, if someone is offering me a half human, half robot personality, I wont say no! To be honest, I need someone with a replication machine, to save my woes!

Yesterday, via a phone interview, I earned myself a face to face one, in Bradford, next Thursday, for a job in a call centre. I know, nothing exciting, but its a job, and decent pay, so…main snag, doesnt start until May, secondary snag, its a bit of a walk from where my bus would drop me, but anyway…

This morning, I was offered an interview, for a job in Leeds. Yes, you’ve guessed it, I’m sure, next Thursday! This could be got around, if the second interview was in Leeds, just avoid the time of mine in Bradford, right? Right! But this is Capita, and its far too simple to hold job interviews for a job in Leeds, in Leeds. Where? Derby, about 75 miles away! Why? As much as I can gather, this job is a split location role, and the interviews are being done in Derby. So no, cant do it, unless, as I say, a scientist with a replication machine reads this!

So yes, I’ve stuck with the Bradford one, despite it actually having the later starting date. Why? Simple, the pay is about Β£3-5 thousand a year more, at that one, and secondly, Capita are not renowned for holding on to staff, so if the worst should happen, I’ll probably get a second go at it, sometime soon! Fine, if the wages were similar, then the Capita one appeals more, as its travel related, as opposed to financial services, but anyway…

But yes, if a handy mad scientist is reading this (unlikely, given I’ve got no offers from Wednesday’s posting), with a replication chamber that either works, or needs testing, then let me know. Yes, fine, I’d love a Rotwang/ Metropolis type replication job, but I’ll settle for anything, in all honesty. Could then try to revive the other job application lol.

Right, the video. I’m only amazed I’ve never used this before, maybe this is what I need to get a scientist with ‘interesting’ ideas to talk to me lol!

Any mad scientist need a guinea pig for experiments?

No, I’m not seriously expecting any positive answers, but hey, a girl can dream! Would have to be easier than job hunting, for sure! And yes, open to all suggestions, as long as it either provides some money, somewhere interesting to live, or both! Mind, if the experiment is interesting enough (oh, please!), I probably wont care, or be able to care where I’m living post experiment.

Yes, the obvious would be heavenly, which includes brainwashing, robotization,or mind control, I’d absolutely love it. Mind, if its just temporary tampering with the mind, and/or body, that would be fine, especially if the pay was good.

Fine, if anyone else wants to do anything kinky, or weird to me, for decent pay, or for guaranteed lodgings, I’d be thrilled, temporarily, or longer.

OK, just at the moment, I’d settle for any decent job, or otherwise offer, with contingencies of money, or accommodation, and leave it there. Hey, if some rich guy wants to turn me into his personal ‘Marion Davies’, thats equally fine by me.

But yes, before despair really kicks in, someone offer me something! ‘Interesting’, as above would be heaven, but just about anything…anywhere? Well, maybe…?

No, I dont expect any positive answers, but no harm in trying!

The video, what my senses might be doing, if in a sinister experiment lol!