Why couldnt it happen to be me?

Every so often, in my reading, I come across a story that amuses, or tickles me enough that I end up using it in a blog. Tonight is one of those occasions!

http://192.155.80.152/MonasMakeoverPaladin/index.html

(Firstly, let me say I know this is fiction, but for the sake of the blog…)

So fine, this creaky old lady wants to know, who wants to be my William? I assume it would work (in time) equally well on a nigh 60 year old, with damaged back, so…? Oh please, I could even live with the increased libido (anything would be an increase with me!) if I could feel half as good as that again. I know, at the moment I couldnt even look at a gym without my back complaining, but after a few of those pills… Hey, I’d probably be a natural blonde lol! Yeah, I guess I could even live with the female harem lol!

Maybe, given my past life self, I could have the supplements that turn me into the dancer type, rather than a gym bunny? I must admit, it would be fascinating to know life as Clara did, but now, short of something like that happening to me, my days of being a dancer are long gone! Mind, I think she took all the dancing skills, but fine, I’ll have to live with that now!

One thing a few classic movie fans might note is that yes, I’d have been even more amused if it had been William, and Myrna. Yes, think about it, lol…or try Google, it will probably give the game away!

So fine, unless anyone wants to provide me with a few of those supplements, I’ll stick to trying to work out if this old body of mine will survive for 8 days in Seattle/Seatac next May! PS If anyone reading this can, or knows someone who I can use as a ‘buddy’ on that trip, I’d appreciate it. No, I dont want anything more than a contact number, which I hope I wouldnt need. But lets just say that I need something brought in, because the back has locked up, or somewhere I can just relax for a couple of hours, to allow the (Seatac) hotel staff to do their thing, I’d be grateful. Shouldnt need it, but just in case, once or twice, to know someone is there, on the end of a phone?

Fine, I know, but no harm asking, I guess?

Video time. A bit of a variation on the blog title, but I doubt Mona was saying this. Me, I’d love it to be me, but anyway…a little vintage live Abba

Advertisements

Walking on the ‘milky’ way

Oh fine, if that doesnt give you a clue to the video, nothing will! A tale of getting older, and cutting back, so call yourself warned.

When I was young, or indeed while still into my 20’s, I used to walk miles on my days off, quite literally. Yes, in those ancient (facetiousness factor) days, it was nothing for me to just walk out on a Sunday morning, walk 4-5 miles or more, have a bite of lunch, or at least a drink, when the weather was fair, and then walk back again. In truth, if I wanted to go far, on a Sunday, back then, in Somerset, or Dorset at least, and didnt drive, you had to walk, there was no Sunday bus service at all! So I did.

Its fair to say that over the years, my walking has got a bit slower (though some at work might not believe that), and maybe a couple of miles each way was enough, but I kept walking, when I could.

But yes, now, since my back went wrong, I’m now finding that my limit, in 1 go, is down to about a mile, or just under! How do I know this, you ask? Well, according to Google Maps, the distance I walk in Bradford, from the Bus Station, to work, is approximately 0.8 miles. And yes, I’m beginning to ‘feel it’ at present when I near my destination. So in truth, not much more, which is why I’m using a mile as a guide, and I might have problems nowadays. I know, I was about 25 then, I’m 60 next year, with osteoporosis, but its still a blow to the ego.

Will it get better, will it get worse, who knows? I suspect that its more likely to be the latter, than the former, so I’ll settle for stability at least. In truth, any other year, I could book my holiday for May already. I just about have the funds, or will have after pay day next week, I know who I want to fly with, I know where I want to stay, but…its a me issue!

The thing about staying in hotels, is that they expect you to go out for the day, each day. Hopefully, fine, it wont be an issue. Equally, if you can tell me, that in an 8 day stay, there wont be at least 1 day where the body is suffering a bit, I’d love you. It might be true, but given that 2 working days in a row is about my limit at present (Holiday time would not be as hard on me, physically, to be fair), assuming I can get out for several (or more) hours each day of my stay, hmm? There is, to be fair, an apartment option, but that would mean getting provisions on arrival (using a UK credit card, in the US, not always easy online), and I suspect I might not be up to that, after a long flight. So the hotel would be better, now.

Oh, and then there is my own determination, and budget. In theory, the hotel offers a shuttle to and from the airport at all times, so I could use that to get the train into town from Seatac, but it wouldnt get me back, anyway. In fact, I could do a flat 0.7 mile walk to a station, which would be fine at present, but then, and each day…?

So yes, I’ll leave it a while to make my booking, just to see how far I might be able to walk by then. I will make the call by February, and see how I am by then, is the plan. Its not just that of course, it is the length of flying time (its direct coming back, but via LA getting there, adding several hours) as well, so we will see.

In truth, I probably ought to have a Plan C, involving either the East Coast of US (shorter flight times), or somewhere in Europe, but I’m trying to avoid working on thoughts like that at present.

But yes, getting old sucks, lol!

The video, a live version of the blog title!

Still ‘normal’ after all these years?

I know, doesnt sound like me, does it, lol? Well, apparently one part of me is still normal after all these years, my blood! Probably is the only part of me that is normal, but besides all that…

Yes, I rang up and got my blood test results today, and it seems they’ve all come back fine. So, if you want to look at it positively, the only thing wrong with me at present is the fracture in my back, which is of course down to osteoporosis, and old age. Of course, given the related pain due to that, its only a mixed blessing, I guess? Thankfully, today hasnt been too bad, I’ve spent most of the day in my brace corset, and probably because I’ve been taking it relatively easy, the pain has been pretty minimal, but I’m sure that work on the next 2 days might change that lol! 😛

And yes, I only wear the brace corset as a back support, and nothing to do with the sensation of having my waist pulled in, which I enjoy far too much! 😉

No, despite everything, even though I probably should at this point, I’m determined not to believe I’ve acted in public for the last time. In truth, I probably have, not only because my part options would now be a lot more limited, but also the fact its been a few years now, and in terms of seriously competing for roles, no I havent done much of late! Well, beyond writing about the dream, pretty much nothing! So yes, it probably is over, but I’m not going to officially retire just yet!

As to me being normal, oh fine, I fail on most counts! Have done that for a long, long time, in truth. I mean, its perfectly normal to want to be turned into a robot, fly in an alien spacecraft, and have ECT (mild, ideally) as research for a book! And lets face it, they are just 3 of the weirdest things, in a pretty crazy lifestyle attitude! Oh, and as for the dream of time travelling, and finding out what Clara Johnson’s lifestyle was like, well…rolls eyes…

So yes, lets face it, I’m probably right when I say that the only thing normal about me, is my blood! The rest of me, still crazy after all these years, and still dreaming of more craziness, however unlikely that is now.

Which leads me to the video, the obvious one, a live version…

Oh, Doctor, Doctor?

Right, lets go from the sublime, political matter of the US National Anthem, and various sports people, to the ridiculous, and talk about the state of my back!

Yes, its an actual fact, I’ve been told today that the results of the bone density scan are in, but unfortunately, the nurse dealing with the matter wasnt in today, and the receptionist admitted to me that the results were in ‘medical speak’, and that therefore she preferred that the nurse discuss them with me, rather than her, as they probably wouldnt have meant a lot to me, or her, in truth. Given I’m working tomorrow, it will be Thursday before I get the results now, but so be it.

Seeing as how, despite the painkillers, and various anti inflammatory gels and creams that I’ve been given to deal with matters, that I still have some degree of latent pain from it, I doubt the results are great, but we will see. But given that so far, I havent actually been given any pills, potions, or other delights to actually cure it, I will just have to wait and see the end results now. But at least the wait is nearly over!

No, I dont expect to be ‘put down’ or anything because of it, mainly because they dont do that sort of thing to people, only poor unfortunate animals, its fair to say. Equally, I dont really expect to be offered a new cybernetically enhanced back, or full body makeover, though yes, I cant deny I would love that! I’m sure they would if they could, but yes, unless some mad scientist knows otherwise, I dont think they’re actually available at present! 😦 If someone does know otherwise, then yes, please, as soon as possible, if not sooner!

Being more realistic, I expect its going to be pills, of some kind, and some strength, to be honest. The 2 obvious ones (and it could be both), are estrogen (menopausal aged woman), and/or calcium. I hope its not too much of the latter, as it can lead to, err, bowel issues, of a delicate kind, as I have already discovered, after taking some voluntarily, and then stopping because of the results!

What I do pretty much know already, without even hearing the medical views, is that my days of working a 5 day week are numbered, if not already over. At present, its all the body can do to do 2 days in a row, let alone more! It will mean cutting back on the delights of life, like travelling twice a year to the US (pretty sure I can still manage one, and maybe 2 next year, due to funds already saved?), and it will mean that I will be doing the wheelchair through the airport thing again, probably for the rest of my travelling life.

One thing I will need to work out on that, is that both times, this trip, I was being met at the other end. Further trips, that might not always be happening, and I guess they would have to let me do it, but it might be more fun! In fact, at Manchester, I did the last bit from baggage carousel, to meeting point on foot, as it was easier for the wheelchair to stay that side of the building, and the helper just dealt with my cases for me, but anyway…

But yes, if anyone wants to provide me with a nice new, young, frisky, cybernetically upgraded body before my next planned flight in May, I would love that. In theory, I could have need to fly next month, but funds dont permit at present. But yes, NYC, for the reading of a musical, for an actress, well, I’d love to be there, but…

Right, video. I suspect this is as close as you’re ever going to get to a live Thompson Twins performance, though I’m not convinced all the keyboard work was live, all the same.

A view to a chill

Yes, I know, its been a while, so, what would you like me to tell you about? Being wired up so I rode in a Davros type wheelchair, rather than being pushed in a standard one? That nice mad scientist I met who transformed me into my past life self, Clara Johnson, at the age of 25, with all her dancing skills (and seemingly she had plenty), so I’ve been dancing the nights away at delightful flapper style parties, darlings? Or the journey on that flying saucer that whisked me across the Atlantic, in about an hour, maybe? Flight diverted to Hollywood, so I could sign up for a big acting role? Or would you prefer the dull, actual, truthful version of events lol?

Oh, by the way, if anyone wants to set me up for any of those first 4 events mentioned, I’d love it! I know, I know, in my dreams, nothing more…but… 😉

OK, lets catch up on reality, before I get the full makeover, as mentioned above! Ooh, that would be fun, mind!

Saturday saw my first ride in a wheelchair for 50 years. I suspect it wont be the last holiday I need one at an airport, but we will see… It started off smoothly enough, as I got wheeled through security, and me, and my luggage checked over, without me actually ever leaving the chair. Then, after a slight delay on the flight (plane had to stop inbound, due to a medical issue, so was nearly an hour late leaving), I was wheeled down to the gate, and told someone would be back to take me down to the plane to board. Yes, fine, never happened, so eventually the Rep asked if the 2 of us were able to get to the plane under our own steam, so I went for it. Unfortunately, having taken the brace off, thinking I wouldnt need it again (its neoprene, and warm to wear for very long periods), I struggled the way with my hand luggage, and pulled it off. But yes, instead of having plenty of time to stow my bag, I was pretty much the last one on, but as I had a double seat to myself, I was able to get my bag stowed away anyway.

Arrival at Boston was good, and efficiently done. The two of us might have been the last ones off, but we were probably 2 of the Brits through first, all the same. Given I have a black, expanding suitcase, just like dozens of others, I need to get some pink, or rainbow tagging around the handle, so I can recognize it easier, even more so when you arent close to the conveyor belt, being in a wheelchair, and all that!

The rest of the day, just fine. After arrival at hotel (Kate had already booked us both in), we ended up calling out for food, chatting a lot, just having a good time.

Sunday afternoon, we came down to this glorious place we’ve rented on Cape Cod. Well, Kate did all the hard work booking it, I just paid a share of the costs really. Yes, its gorgeous! I’m sat in the living area, with a stunning view of the sea, typing this now. We ended up having pizza, watching NFL, just having fun.

Monday, being 2 ladies of reasonable leisure for the week, and given that neither of us are in the perkiest of health, we had a quiet day. Finished off for me at least, by getting my annual chance to swoon over Jon Gruden on Monday Night Football!

This morning, I had a couple of cups of coffee, sat outside, complete with a couple of muffins for breakfast, and just enjoyed the sun. Havent seen a lot of it in the UK this summer, so a real delight. Since then, just relaxed, and given my body the break it really needs. We’re here, somewhere near Mashpee, on Cape Cod, until Thursday morning, and I’m loving every minute of it. Might get another ride in a wheelchair at the 2 stations on Thursday, will have to wait and see. Or the next one, may be at JFK on Monday evening!

Yes, Thursday, I need to start getting into bridesmaid mode, but more on that later in the week. Thats when I could really do with that 25 year old, Clara Johnson makeover lol, especially if I’m expected to dance at the reception afterwards, as I currently have 2 left feet, in that sense. Where’s a good mad scientist when you need one, lol?

Right, video time. Yes, the blog title is a slightly tweaked version of that

Everyday Hurts

Regardless of my current physical issues, one thing I’ve always tried to do whenever I see anyone in a wheelchair is acknowledge them, even if its only a quick glance with the eyes, I always try to do something, just to show my support. Even more so now, in the sense that in a couple of weeks time, proverbially at least, I’ll be in their place. Fortunately for me, at the end of it all, I will be able to get out of the wheelchair, and walk away, to some degree at least, even if my back ensures it wont be that smooth an event. But of course, for most people in a wheelchair, thats not an option. Probably why, to some degree, I feel guilty about requesting a wheelchair, but being practical, I cant stand long enough in one place to join the standard Immigration queue, into the US, and in truth, getting through security might be challenging too, if I dont time it right! So fine, it needs to be done, but even so…

Yes, thankfully, I’ve got to the point where I can accept that as a fact, so I’m finding it easier to live with it, even if its not the perfect situation. I see one gentleman reasonably regularly, using the same bus service as me, to and from Bradford, and we’ve now acknowledged each other so often, I quite often get a wave, rather than a nod! But no, it wasnt him yesterday that made me think about my scenario in a fortnights time.

I was walking back from work yesterday, into town, and saw a woman in one of those motorized wheelchairs approaching at as much speed as I’ve ever seen one go! I tried to acknowledge her, but I think she was more focused on setting a qualifying time for a Grand Prix lol! No, I wont get a motorized wheelchair at the airport, I’m pretty sure, just being pushed along, I’m sure. To be honest, I have to, at some point look up what the etiquette is for these matters, as I suspect one of the places I might need assistance is in the check in area, but how does anything get sorted out before I check in? If anyone knows, and is prepared to comment, I’d love to know. If not, I’ll have to try and find out online, hazard of being a solo traveler.

To be fair, I should point out that it wont be my first time being pushed in a wheelchair, but the last time was nearly 50 years ago, and for a few weeks at least, I couldnt walk, as it was after both my knees were surgically operated on at the same time. Since then, no, never been in one. Well, not until a fortnights time, at least!

Yes, I do feel sorry for those, who unlike me, having got through the rigors of Boston Airport, wont be able to just get out of their wheelchair, and walk away, and know how painful it must be for some, when they see the rest of us walking around them, with too many just ignoring them. But yes, as a social experiment, it will be interesting to see how others react to me, all the same.

The video, an absolute oldie, just hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

Wouldnt it be good?

Wouldn’t it be good to be in your shoes
Even if it was for just one day

Well, that is a massive hint to tonights video at least, though the blog, in truth, only relates to the first few words of that. But looking at that quote, I’d truly love to spend just one day in the shoes, and body, of Clara Elaine Johnson, and find out what life was like as a dancer in the 1930’s, all the same.

But no, this blog isnt about that, though I might come back to that at some point in the future, who knows? No, tonight’s subject is corsets!

One issue I personally have with corset ownership, is that its not an item I can get myself into, without assistance. Even before the back issue (more shortly), the arthritis in my fingers would make tying a corset behind my back, nigh on impossible, or in truth, just impossible. And being a single woman (no one is crazy enough to want me lol), I have no one else to tie me into one, either. Great shame, because I’d love to be tied into this, for certain.

Yes, supposedly a corset, though hard to tell from that angle. But yes, metallic silver, and all that…

Wouldnt it be good (see I knew I could fit the song title in here) if you could put on a corset, push a button on it, or turn a device so that it could tighten around you, without all that tying issue, which I cant do? I’m only amazed with all this modern technology that no one has ever designed one, ah well… Or maybe they have, but at such a silly price? Though in truth, I suspect for many (with partners, or supple hands), the tying up is part of the, err, fun.

What I found today, while looking for a back brace, to support me through the wedding, as standing still unsupported is going to be an issue for a while, was this

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/291246878042

Now in truth, I have no idea how much actual waist reduction this will do, as I cant see zips being able to pull in that tightly, simply because zips tend to just ease open, if you pull them too tightly? But yes, fine, my main aim with this is the back support, and I just see the corset side of it as an added bonus. Lets face it, my face would put potential admirers off, even if I had the perfect hourglass figure! But yes, at that price, I’ve bought one, to see how it goes. I have also bought a more straightforward back brace, which has magnets in it, which are supposedly good for you, but we will see. Thats just one of those velcro fitting things, but that should be fine, fingers crossed.

Yes, we will see…

Right, video time. Yes, you must have worked out the song by now, but this version gives you not just one 80’s legend, but two!