Wouldnt it be good?

Wouldn’t it be good to be in your shoes
Even if it was for just one day

Well, that is a massive hint to tonights video at least, though the blog, in truth, only relates to the first few words of that. But looking at that quote, I’d truly love to spend just one day in the shoes, and body, of Clara Elaine Johnson, and find out what life was like as a dancer in the 1930’s, all the same.

But no, this blog isnt about that, though I might come back to that at some point in the future, who knows? No, tonight’s subject is corsets!

One issue I personally have with corset ownership, is that its not an item I can get myself into, without assistance. Even before the back issue (more shortly), the arthritis in my fingers would make tying a corset behind my back, nigh on impossible, or in truth, just impossible. And being a single woman (no one is crazy enough to want me lol), I have no one else to tie me into one, either. Great shame, because I’d love to be tied into this, for certain.

Yes, supposedly a corset, though hard to tell from that angle. But yes, metallic silver, and all that…

Wouldnt it be good (see I knew I could fit the song title in here) if you could put on a corset, push a button on it, or turn a device so that it could tighten around you, without all that tying issue, which I cant do? I’m only amazed with all this modern technology that no one has ever designed one, ah well… Or maybe they have, but at such a silly price? Though in truth, I suspect for many (with partners, or supple hands), the tying up is part of the, err, fun.

What I found today, while looking for a back brace, to support me through the wedding, as standing still unsupported is going to be an issue for a while, was this

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/291246878042

Now in truth, I have no idea how much actual waist reduction this will do, as I cant see zips being able to pull in that tightly, simply because zips tend to just ease open, if you pull them too tightly? But yes, fine, my main aim with this is the back support, and I just see the corset side of it as an added bonus. Lets face it, my face would put potential admirers off, even if I had the perfect hourglass figure! But yes, at that price, I’ve bought one, to see how it goes. I have also bought a more straightforward back brace, which has magnets in it, which are supposedly good for you, but we will see. Thats just one of those velcro fitting things, but that should be fine, fingers crossed.

Yes, we will see…

Right, video time. Yes, you must have worked out the song by now, but this version gives you not just one 80’s legend, but two!

Trying to be practical

In truth, I was already beginning to suspect that given the state of my body at present (yes, still open to all offers of a cybernetically enhanced body, ideally in chrome), trying to do a 5 day week at work wasnt doing me any good. First sign was last Monday, when basically the body hadnt recovered from 4 working days in a row, by Monday morning, even with painkillers and stuff, and so it proved, I didnt get through the day, or more correctly my back didnt! I somehow managed to make it far enough through the day to get to halfway, so it didnt count as a sick day, but even that was hard work! Of course that gave me a day and a bit to recover, so I got through Wednesday fine, and Thursday OK, but then came Friday, and…

Yes, the body was sore, and tender, but I got into work, and managed to stay there, at least. But yes, it was a struggle. So anyway, trying to be practical as to my capabilities, I decided to do justice to work, and to myself, something had to give. So yes, I’ve asked if I can cut back to 4 days a week for now, hopefully only until the bone density scans are done, the results are known, and the medication kicks in. But given the former is still nearly 4 weeks away, and it will be about 3 weeks after that before the results are known, and I can be given something to hopefully cure the issue, its going to be a while before that happens, and the body just cant cope with that at the moment.

Yes, I can afford it for a short period of time (I’m guessing about 10-12 weeks), and could even afford it full time, if I cut back on my holiday trips to US! Yes, I know, ouch, but one 10 day trip would be cheaper than 2 single week trips, because of one less set of flights. Yes, a 14 night stay would still be cheaper, but there are very few places where I believe I could have enough to keep me amused for a fortnight!

Seattle could, San Francisco could, and I suspect Chicago, or Washington probably could. But some of the smaller cities I want to go back to, nope! 7 days would be fine, 10 maybe, but after that…? But yes, I’m hoping I can get back to a normal regime in a few months, but at the same time, I’m not getting younger, and my back isnt my only issue, so…?

My plan is to work Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday, which gives me the other 3 days off. Yes, I know, 2 days in a row, but I can seemingly cope with that, but no more. But yes, its me, I’d rather do a work routine I can manage, for less money, than let my firm down, by pretending I can do a 5 day week. Just waiting for confirmation of approval now.

So there it is, unless someone wants to provide me with a nice, new strengthened body…? 😉

Video time, what my body needs in terms of support. Martin Cooper might be handy, but given he has back issues himself…So no, thinking more of that back brace that needs to be ordered lol!

Tie me up?

Strictly, this post is a tongue in cheek piece of wishful whimsy, but if anyone wants to provide in the next 4 weeks or so, lol?

Firstly, on a more serious moment, I have arranged wheelchair assistance for the airports on my trip now. Even before todays news (more shortly), I wasnt going to be able to stand long enough for the Immigration queue, and maybe the security queues, so I got it done. Yes, I’m old, and beaten up, and I know it! 😛

Well, for a while, I thought, just maybe, but no. Yesterday, when I got home from work, I found a letter from the NHS requesting me to make a call, and make an appointment for my examination on my back, and the density of my bones. Yes! Maybe I can get something sorted before my holiday? Well…

I rang this morning, and the first date they could offer me, was 8th September, the day before I leave for US. I mean, I wasnt expecting anything immediate, but nearly 5 weeks…? Eek! So now, if I want to be able to stand, and serve as a bridesmaid at the wedding (and I really do, will be a first), I need a way to be able to stand for more than 2-3 minutes!

If anyone knows anything better (cybernetic spine would be handy, yes, tongue in cheek, I assume?) than a back brace, or corset, let me know. No, I havent got the money to go privately, not even close! Reckon it would be 5 days max if I could! In fact, someone has already suggested a back brace that will do the job, but…

I know, I’m a robot wannabee, so…anyone know of anything in metallic silver lol? Back brace would be fine, as that would solve issue, but a corset that could make me think it would turn me into a robot, once tied into it lol…? No, I’m not really looking for waist reduction, just back support, before you ask.

I know, cant be done, certainly not in 4 weeks, but thought it would be fun just to ask? But, if anyone can…? 😉

Video time. Found this purely by chance, and yes its adult, so if you’re too young, and reading this, go away now, if not sooner! But if someone wants to tie me up into a metallic silver corset, for September…?

I’m already torn

Well, more snapped than torn, but anyway, minor details…

I got a follow up call on Thursday, while at work from the surgery, and no prizes for working out what it was about, my back. In fact, I was going to ring them on Friday morning to get the update, but they actually beat me to it! No, they’re not waiting a few weeks to see how the back settles down, I’ve already been referred for a bone density scan check, so that doesnt sound good? No, still waiting to hear when it will actually happen at present.

So yes, MIT, if someone reads this, and you need a guinea pig for some back strengthening robot type thing, I’m your girl! Chrome body would be an additional bonus lol! If reprogramming comes as part of the package, thats not a put off! 😉

One snag I’ve since worked out, given that I’m due to fly to the US in less than 6 weeks time, is my inability to stand still for more than a few minutes at present, without the back giving way, even on painkillers. I can walk fine, though not quite as fast as normal, I can sit relatively comfortably too, but just standing still, no!

The issue, I hear you ask? Simple one, US Immigration! The last 3 times I’ve been through, the average queue time would be almost an hour. I know, some of that time is shuffling along in the queue, but I suspect that will be nearly as bad for my back as standing still! There is one obvious option to take, but typically me, I feel guilty about it, though several have already told me not to be. Yes, for want of a better term, especially in my case, the ‘medically disadvantaged’ situation.

Let me say that up to now, I’ve only ever needed to use a wheelchair once in my life, about 50 years ago, when both knees were first operated on. Yes, they were soft on children back then, though yes, it wasnt long before I had to use them again. But fine, I needed one for a while, I simply couldnt walk! But now, I can walk, and I can sit just fine. I can even stand for a couple of minutes at a time, but any longer…nope!

I know, arrange a wheelchair to meet me at Logan Airport, get whisked (relatively) through Immigration and Customs at the airport, thats fine. But what I know I would then feel guilty about, is getting up, and walking away, relatively normally. I know, cant be helped, just do it, but this is me, so…if anyone wants to mind control me not to feel guilty about doing it, it would be appreciated!

For now, I’m going to give it a couple of weeks, see if I get any more medication, and how that works before contemplating booking the service, but I will have to give notice, so…Its funny, I was reading an article that a number of people pull the assistance trick to get through security quicker, but thats not my issue, I hope! Rarely is the queue that long, that I couldnt cope, especially as you’re not actually stationary for that long, but the Immigration queue, eek! I know, I’m 59, I’m crocked, just do it, but its not my nature to do so! But yes, I suspect I will, all the same.

Right, video time. This is not the version of the song that everyone knows. No, Natalie Imbruglia covered this song! I do like her cover, but this is the far more rock laden original. Sadly the only live performance I could find was awful quality, so settled for this

Falling Apart At The Seams

And in this case, I’ll be very impressed if any readers have heard this song before, but some of us still have long memories lol.

Yes, strictly I am beginning to fall apart at the seams. Not literally just yet, though apparently bone thinning, and osteoporosis is to blame for my back issue. Yes, I’ve got my X-Ray results back already, which was surprisingly quick, but maybe they rush the bad news ones faster than the OK ones, who knows?

But yes, my back issue is actually a wedge fracture at the bottom of my thoracic spine, relating to weakening of the bone there. Yes, because its really just an old age issue, there isnt a lot they can do. So pretty much, they just want to give it a few weeks, see if it improves, stays the same, or gets worse before deciding on the next step to take. In the meantime, stick with the painkillers, use the (mild) steroid cream, and just survive as best I can. Oh, and seemingly I have colon issues which may be related to this, so need to get something to, err, clear them out of the way lol.

But yes, if any surgeon, scientist, or indeed mad scientist (probably most fun) has a new replacement cybernetic back unit they want to try out on a willing human volunteer, let me know. I would have said yes, regardless of this, but definitely will now. No, dont mind if it comes in flesh, chrome metal, or other material either! Though if its chrome metal, lets go the whole hog, and do the full body, OK? 😉

Yes, work know. I rang them shortly after I found out, as I suspect I’m going to need a chair to fit in with my needs, regardless. Ideally something that puts no pressure on the back, but anything better than a standard chair has to be good. No, I dont think First Buses will provide me with one lol!

Irony is, today was my last day of self certification for medical reasons, so plan is to go back tomorrow. Of course, I probably now could get a certificate for my back, but I’m going to see how it goes, subject to how I feel in morning. But yes, nice to know that even before 60 (just), that I’m beginning to fall apart at the seams.

The video is a lesser Marmalade hit from over 40 years ago, that just seems apt

Inside the repair pod

Yes, I know, I only wish that was true! No, I didnt even get to be slid into one of those scanning machines for my X-Rays, just laid on a bed, in a couple of positions, and then, that was it. And no, I dont know how ugly the pictures of my back, and side were, will be a week or two before the doctors get the results of them. Of course, if they dont like what they see, I might get a whole new cybernetic back. Yes, in my dreams only, I’m sure. But yes, I would, given the chance, and 2 new knees to match too! Hopefully I wont need major surgery on my back, as well as my knees, but if I do, so be it!

To be fair, I did realize that I wasnt going to get slid into any of the more interesting scanners, just to have first images done of my lower back area. So yes, just got to lay on a bed, firstly on my back, then on my side while they took some pictures, then back home. I know, those scanners where they slide you in, and I could have fantasized they were doing something wicked to my mind would have been a lot more fun, but anyway…never going to happen, was it?

And to be fair, I’m probably the only person who would prefer to be sealed in a pod, while the pictures were taken, or while having my body healed, especially the former, aren’t I? Not sure that sort of thing even exists, beyond my wild imagination, but oh my, that would be wonderful!

In truth, that was my first X-Ray for 30 years, though I’m pretty sure the next one will be a lot sooner than that, as I’m sure they will take a look at my knees, before the inevitable joint replacement surgery gets done, which I can put off for now, but I suspect not a lot longer!

But yes, if anyone wants a volunteer to try out a radical new healing pod, that requires a human volunteer to stay in, for some hours, while the work is done, please count me in, I’d love it!

OK, the video. Well, inevitably, if a pod was created that could heal your body, it could probably do interesting things to your mind as well, if desired. And this video is just so out of left field, that concept is more an excuse to use it, than actually tampering with my mind, not that I would mind if someone did. Oh, and the next time they need someone to wear that cat outfit, to make a video… 😉

Ancient, and bound for Mu Mu land?

Or wherever the train for those of us fast approaching 60, with backs that are beginning to seize up completely need to go? Those who are old enough to remember this gem will know what the video is tonight, at least!

Yes, extra blog. No, its not for a good reason. Yes, as hinted at, my back is playing me up, and has been doing so for a lot longer than its usual 1-2 days max. No, sadly, I havent yet been offered a new back designed like this, but hopefully, after the X-Rays lol…?

Yes, I really would love that!

Yes, today was pretty much the day I accepted that my human self is getting ancient, and I guess you could say that comment is justified? I have been given some cortisone related cream to put on my back, and other related joints, as well as the obvious painkillers. Given it has a mild steroid, I suspect thats the end of my non existent Olympic career lol! I also have to go up the hospital tomorrow, and get some X-Rays done, so just as well the Occupational Health people have advised me to stay off work until Monday. I could have done it this afternoon (at a push), but given I’ve got nothing planned other than that for tomorrow…? I’m sure I can get my imagination going while they’re being done, lol!

“Well, Miss C…, we can fix your body for you, but the surgery is a little radical (see above), but if you agree to it? Yes, see above, and know that they couldnt get me booked in quickly enough! 😀

Video time, I guess? Firstly, this version of the song is so different to the better known version, I had to include it

Secondly, a fun little burlesque video version. So yes, if you’re under age, this is where you click away, back to that other video, or the comments section, or…