She lives! She moves!

The irony of these seizures has been the fact that not all the effects have been negative. The first ones, back in March may have done nothing for the state of my brain, but it eased the pain in my back. Now whether this is because somewhere along the line it pushed something in my spine almost back into place, who knows? But yes, fine, I’d rather have a painful back, and a fully functioning brain, than this. The funny thing was, even though my back hurt less, it did nothing for my mobility, in fact making it far worse than it was. So whether something else somewhere wrecks the process that helps me to walk, no idea?

Anyway, as you may have gather, seizure session 2 on Saturday seems to have bashed my brain a bit more, but improved my mobility! Again, no idea why, unless it related to above?

4-5 weeks back, I had to send off a report for work on my health, and in my stupidity, I thought I’d try to walk to the post box, and back, given its only about 400 yards round journey, albeit, with a fair slope involved. Yes, I did make it there and back, but it nearly killed me, I was shattered on return.

This week, I had to send off one of those sick note certificate things, to cover the first few days after the event, and I did the same. Well, I wouldnt call it a stroll, but yes, it didnt stretch me all that much. I’m not saying I’d want to walk miles, but a short distance, especially on a flat surface (that definitely isnt flat), I probably could.

Next Thursday is Euro Election Day here, for better or worse. Not commenting on which I feel, or who I might be supporting, need to be neutral. Its a bit further to walk, there is a bit of a slope (though not as steep as from post box) involved to get to voting place, but as its the only way I can get to vote (havent arranged postal voting for future yet), if its reasonable, I might just give it a go, as Ella will be away at the time, and Eric hasnt yet given me mobility wheelchair driving lessons! Probably not, it probably would be pushing my limits, but before this week, didnt even think it was possible. but now…?

So yes, as the blog title says, She lives (just), she walks (not awful in short bouts), but sadly, unlike the video attached, I havent been ‘reactivated’ with large amounts of electricity! The amusing thing is, the hospital I was taken to, is one of the local ones that does ECT treatments! But no ‘Bride of Frankenstein’ treatment for me, all the same. Ah well…

No, I dont think I want something quite that drastic done to me, though I do wonder if ‘resetting’ my brain that way would be the worst thing possible at present. But Trans-cranial Magnetic Stimulation, I just wonder if that might put things right, or at least help? Any thoughts, any offers? Yes, the video is that scene, from that film, and yes, I’d love to recreate it, regardless of any stimulation of any kind actually being used! Who me, jealous? You bet!

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The lesser of 3 evils?

Here in the UK (before my US readers tell me I’ve got the wrong dates), next week is Mental Health Awareness Week. I know, so in theory I should blog this next week, but given how reliable my memory is at present, lets get it written up while I remember it. I know, I could store it, but I need to post something tonight, and time is running short, so…

I suppose, relating to me, its how you define mental health. If you relate it purely to depression type issues, then I dont have a mental health issue. If you relate it more generally to any way in which your mind is functioning less than perfectly, then yes, I do have mental health issues! Just that ironically, until I am able to actually see a Neurologist (NHS, 18th June at present), I have no idea what it is. Given that 3 separate medical people (or set of people) have told me I wont be working again, I assume its pretty serious, but exactly what, who knows? If anyone has the money to let me see a neurologist privately, or someone wants to offer said services for free, sooner?

Funnily enough, it was only this morning that I was reading about Emilia Clarke (Game Of Thrones, I gather, never seen it) having suffered 2 brain aneurysms, and then having memory issues, though it doesnt seem to have done her acting career too much harm, but she’s a lot younger, and probably a lot more talented than me (certainty, but dont want people biting my head off, lol), but good for her for doing so. No, I’m not saying thats what happened to me, but the more I read, the more concerned I get. I also read something about what my limited knowledge (and Wikipedia) leads me to, is that what happened to me can easily knock 10 years off your lifespan. Fine, if I’m that busted, that may not be a bad thing, but anyway…

As those who have been around for a while will know, a few years back, I wrote a story relating to the use of ECT. No real experience, but no reviewer said I got it all wrong, so maybe I got it roughly right? 400 volts plus, maybe I’ll still pass (though now less to damage), but a low volt research test, well, maybe? No, story is written, so probably shouldnt.

One thing I have seen mentioned since then in more ways than just a depression cure is something called Transcrancial Magnetic Stimulation (or rTMS, repetitive) which is done with magnets, albeit pretty powerful ones, which does far less memory damage, which is good, goes on for longer, and can be done while awake (both good for me), and therefore probably a lot wiser to give a try. Well, some private clinic in London (so no use to me money, or location wise) was advertising the benefits of this rTMS thing, and I was just wondering if it might ease, or cure some, or more, of my memory issues? Yes, fine, would be fun to find out, for sure.

I do know my mobility has gone to pieces since the seizures, but I’m assuming thats relating to the part of my brain that was damaged by the seizures. I know, I couldnt walk miles, but I could do 1/2 mile or so, currently even a few hundred yards is too much of a challenge!

So yes, I probably would give rTMS a go, though pass on ECT. At the same time, I’m not going to do anything until after I’ve seen the neurologist, and hopefully get the full picture, arent I good? Though fine, having my mind ‘zapped’ in that way appeals no end!

So yes, think about Mental Health Awareness Week (UK) next week, and just remember that mental health isnt just about depression (though that is a major issue), but so much more as well.

OK, video time. Yes, cynical choice. Hard to believe this is nearly 50 years old, and no this 14 year old (as I was at that time), was not among the dancers, I only wish I was!

Can Brain Stimulation improve memory?

Its funny, because as any number of my friends, and contacts already know, I was rather into the idea of having my brain electrically stimulated, even when it was working normally. Now that of course its not working properly, the idea of having it done to me, lets face it, is going to appeal even more.

So yes, when someone saw this recent news article

https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2019/04/08/711010354/scientists-test-whether-brain-stimulation-could-help-sharpen-aging-memory?fbclid=IwAR35ZgHsO8FygkVLd3i6zlorsAWkja8bZRy7lxRSIw9RRbY8zZ8wuA-_I4k

it wasnt the biggest surprise that they posted it somewhere where I would see it. Yes, they’re right of course, I’d love to be part of that experiment, even before my brain got messed up, and lets face it, what is there to lose by trying it out now, especially as it seems to have had some success? Alright, even more fun for me with a ‘bit’ more voltage, and a full bodysuit, in metallic silver, well… But yes, this, now, well, I’d love to think I’d make the ideal subject. Let me just point out this is done with a very weak voltage, not the dramatic jolt of ECT, so it should all be fine. And yes, the thought of having my brain connected up to numerous electrodes, at any voltage would appeal a lot.

But agreed, as someone wittily suggested, if it did go wrong (voltage, or otherwise), and turn me into a mindlessly obedient robot, I wouldnt mind in the slightest, would I?

But yes, its fair comment that if this ‘senior’ is ever going to be up to work again, her mind, and memory is definitely going to need sharpen up, so what could be better? Mind, given the state of my body as well, especially my back, the full robot makeover might be wise, for getting to and from work! Well, a flying saucer might be fun, but practically…

But yes, if anyone in Boston sees this blog, fancies trying a bit more experimentation, or trying a bit more voltage on a mature Brit, with brain issues, then why, yes, I’d love to! Even if they just want to give her a treat, then yes, I’d love to!

OK, video time. This piece of brainwashing is delightfully evil. Having said that, yes, I’d love it done to me! Who knows, they might make me think I’m Clara Johnson, former chorus line dancer? Equally, maybe they would really turn me into Robotunit 8, lol?

All The Small Things (I Could Do)

You know all these people who do something crazy to celebrate their birthdays, especially the landmark ones? No, I never have, been thoroughly boring in that sense, all my life.

So now, why do I feel I want to do something this year, beyond the fact its the oldies landmark of 60, no idea? Even more so given that I’ve now got issues with my back, issues with my budget, given I’m now only able to do a 4 day week, and never done anything crazy like that up to now?

The answer is, no idea, but I feel that I do! The only possible so far, which would definitely be fun, is this, http://www.auntysocial.co.uk/some-like-it-hot-volunteers/ which I have put myself forward for, but its actually on my birthday, and its miles from me, but yes, it would be a wonderful way to celebrate officially hitting old age!

Now I dont (seriously) expect any passing aliens to offer me a flight in a space craft, nor do I seriously expect a friendly mad scientist to turn me into a robot, brainwashed, or the like either (If anyone wants to roleplay for real, either of those 2 things, and you’re in a suitable location…?) . Equally, and lets face it, its too late now for research anyway, do I expect to get offered a guided tour of an ECT theater either. Also, lets face it, I’m not likely to be offered a part in a film, movie, or theater run now, either!

There is also the snag that not only do I now have physical issues, which would stop anything too crazy on that front, but because I’ve had to cut my working week due to it, I havent got the money to treat myself either! So, in truth, beyond perhaps the Blackpool thing, it looks like being another quiet birthday week, ah well…

But fine, it might be fun to just do something silly, once in my life, before I’m officially too old, just saying…? But what?

OK, video time. Big clue in the title here. I know, never been done before, but anyway…

Relax, go through this? Yes please!

I must admit that when I first saw this headline this morning on Twitter, I was wondering when ECT had started being used for stress, and then found out it was something slightly less dramatic, but fine, thats the Telegraph for you!

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/education/2017/07/01/stressed-teachers-offered-electric-shock-therapy-combat-anxiety/

Oh fine, its not actually ECT, something far less shocking (if you pardon the pun) than that, but…fine, to me at least, that appeals totally! Before you say anything, this involves less than .001 amps being passed through the brain, as opposed to the 0.9 amps used generally in ECT treatments! Fine, this is for about 20 minutes a day, as opposed to about 6-8 seconds maximum, twice a week, but…Yes, supposedly painless. I’d need to try it to confirm that! 😀 And yes, I would, most definitely!

Oh fine, there is also the slight snag that I’m not stressed at work, at present. Though whether I will feel the same way when we start doing a different type of work on an on/off basis at work, I might begin to get stressed, just saying. But yes, fine, if it means being fitted up with one of these, for 20 minutes a day, every day, then fine, I’m stressed! 😉

Please, I so need to try this. I know, ECT is a little crazy, maybe, but this, well…? Safe and painless, so…?

Right, the video. It is Frankie Goes To Hollywood, and it is the obvious song. Given I have no control over the age of viewers of this blog, I’m not going for the original ‘naughty’ version. Its not that hard to find on You Tube if you want to see it, mind. So, being a good girl, this is a Top Of The Pops version, which is about as innocent as this song can possibly get!

At some point in our lives?

I think its fair to say that at some point in our lives, everyone gets to suffer from stress, depression, or more serious mental issues. Thankfully, for most, these are mild, and in time we get over them, but for others…? Yes, at least here in the UK, and maybe further afield, this week marks Mental Health Awareness Week. Were you aware of that?

As I say, for most people, the worst it gets is a bout of depression, or stress related to work, but for others, it can be far worse. Nervous breakdowns, or even something more severe than that, in fact. Me, in my time, I’ve suffered from depression and stress, to quite a major level, but I’m over the worst now, or at least I think I am. Trouble is, I suspect its one of those issues that just lurks, and just when you’re least expecting it, it jumps up and bites you again! Hopefully not, for me at least, but yes, there are times, when I just wonder…?

I think its fair to say that one of the reasons I wanted to write that story involving ECT did relate to my own experiences with depression, and the like. No, before you ask, I never have had that treatment, though unlike plenty, I would most definitely do so if I needed it, and hey, I might do it even before that point, given the chance. I have seen one of the old style rooms where it was done, but judging by what I’ve seen recently, care of You Tube, things have changed out of all recognition in the last 20 years, or so.

Yes, I know, its the whole thing about having your mind blasted with electricity with me, but lets not go on with that, especially as that tends to be for another purpose, when I’m playing out things in my head. But yes, I was determined to write a serious (but fictional) story on the matter when I did it, and I’m glad its done. Someone did ask me if I was planning another, but I told them no, for now at least. Not so much because I have got the whole issue off my chest, but mainly because I cant think of a fresh way to deal with it, in all honesty, without going back to the whole robot thing. I know, its been a while, but I wrote so many of those, and…

But yes, all I’m going to say is that if you see anyone, or suspect anyone is suffering from stress, or depression, and its safe to do so, go talk to them, try and help, dont just ignore them. If you cant help yourself, direct them to someone who can, thats all. But yes, dont just think Mental Health issues wont happen to you, because they just might, and there is such a thing as karma, so…

Right, video time. I know, quite literally this might not be the most suitable song for someone suffering from mental health issues, but at the same time…? Slade, definitely live!

Getting my mind set on…?

I must admit, when I start this blog, in companionship to my personal one, I was thinking that I would mainly let this one settle on the weird and wonderful world of science fiction, and mind control stuff. No, it hasnt worked out that way, but besides all that, variety is the spice of life, as they say.

Its well known that ECT is a very ‘marmite’ subject (for those folk who dont get that comment, you either are a fan, or you hate it, no middle ground), and fine, I’m one of the fans of it. No, no flame war, pretty please, this blog is about my feelings on matters, though if you want to comment for the opposite view, politely, feel free to do so.

No, I’ve never had it done, but if I needed it, and it was offered to me, absolutely, try stopping me from having it done, in fact. Fine, that might be down to the robot thing, it might be down to the fact that having my mind zapped by a nice amount of electricity would appeal a lot, and it might also be because I’ve heard plenty of stories of people who have benefitted by it, as well as people for whom it might not have worked so well. But fine, the anti folk dont want to hear positive things about ECT, lets face it.

Anyway, the comment that set me off on Twitter, was someone saying that all those people supporting ECT on the board, wouldnt have it done themselves, only have it done on other people. Fine, for some, that might be true, but not me! So anyway, when I post this across to Twitter, I’m going to make sure it appears on the #ECT tag, and say that if anyone wants to arrange an ECT session for me, in LA, next month, I will happily do it. Now this can be one of the anti brigade, if they wish, to disprove their theory that the ‘fan club’ wont have it done on themselves, or it can be one of the pro brigade, prepared to get a supportive blog on the subject, post treatment, dont mind either way. But yes, I’d love to experience it, and if it means I get the chance to prove to people that its not as bad a thing as they think it is, all the better.

So, if any of the anti crowd want to put their money where their mouth clearly is, and pay for a fan of ECT to be treated (or punished, in their eyes) by it, then lets go for it. Equally, if a fan wants to pay for me to be the one that has the treatment, and comment accordingly, or one of the treatment units wants to let me experience it, and blog accordingly, feel free to contact me here, or at Twitter. Fine, I know there might be some short term issues, but I’ll be the one coping with them, not you.

Fine, it will have to be in the LA area, or if within a short distance, you’re arranging my transport, but…

Anyone want to take me up on my challenge, because I’ll do it, if you let me! So…?

Video time. Bit of a clue in the title, as so often around here.