Under your control?

OK, if you want the serious look at the fact that, finally, I’m only 3 weeks away from being checked over by a neurologist, go find the other blog, its there. On the other hand, if you want the more suitable, mind controlled/brainwashing blog for this sort of site, you’re in the right place, so please read on.

The one thing I really dont need to be told by the neurologist (though I’m sure they will) is that my brain is no longer going to function as a normal brain would. 2 hospitals, and 2 other sets of medical staff have already made that very clear to me, and the fact I wont be going back to work has been settled too. So really, all I’m waiting for now is the official confirmation of these facts, and hopefully get a bit more clue as to what caused the seizures in the first place.

No, sadly, I’m not expecting to be offered any of an AI interface with whats left of my brain, a full AI brain replacement, or even a full body robot/android replacement given that my knees, back, and wrist are in less than perfect condition. Yes, I’d love any, or all of those being offered, but being practical, they’re not really available at present. But who knows, maybe they’re just waiting for a willing guinea pig, but I doubt it.

But as a mind control story writer, there were a couple of related things I wondered about, related to the state of my brain. Firstly, the practical one, hypnosis. Does the fact my brain has been messed up make me easier, or harder to hypnotise? I can see a case for both, in truth.

Easier, well, lets face it, my brain has taken a bit of a bashing, and therefore should be less resisting than a normal brain, therefore making me easier to hypnotise, as I’m less in a position to resist commands. Inversely, does it make me harder to hypnotise, because my brain no longer follows all the standard patterns into trance as naturally as before?

Anyone got any ideas? Anyone want to hypnotise me for free, and see what I think, or not think, as the case may be.

The other (less practical) thing I was thinking about, in relation to this, was brainwashing. Would it now be easier to erase my mind completely, because there is less there than before, and its been bashed around, or is it the opposite, harder, because my brain doesnt work as a human mind should?

Given that as far as I know (sadly), thorough and complete brainwashing isnt yet possible in that sense, this can probably only be considered theoretically. If anyone actually believes they can do this, and just need a guinea pig, let me know.

I do vaguely remember someone, when I first got into writing mind control stories claiming that he could actually brainwash someone by hypnosis, but I never heard any more about it, from him, or any victim, so I assume it was just bragging. Or maybe he just made a couple of young, attractive, brainwashed female slaves for himself, and did a runner, but I doubt the latter!

But I suppose in the sense of this thesis, again, if anyone has any thoughts, or proof, let me know.

I must admit, having an EEG, and having my brain wired up like that is probably going to give me a fit of the giggles for all the wrong reasons. Similarly, the MRI tube, is probably going to be much the same, in pure brainwashing tube sense. I know, not going to happen, but an old woman can dream?

OK, video time. Would it be possible to have me under Master’s, or Mistresses’s thumb? Yes, I would love it, but anyway… No, I was never going to find a live performance of this, the sort of multi layer stuff that Godley & Creme (and previously 10 cc) produced could never truly be replicated live, so this will have to do!

A horror weekend

No, before anyone shows concern, this isnt a bad weekend for me health wise, that happened a couple of weeks ago, lets face it. Its just that I wanted to do a piece for Memorial Day (even though I’m British) on the other blog, which means that ideally I want to put something up here too. So…

Yesterday, as mentioned on the other blog, was World Vampire Day. Nothing as exciting as the offer to get bitten by a vampire if you fancied it (and I would), but it was the anniversary of the date of release of Stoker’s book about Dracula. Fine, I’m past the point of innocent young virgin, but hey, a willing victim must be worth something?

The other horror item of note, conveniently is today, its Vincent Price’s birthday, his 108th, if still alive, the master of so many horror movies. Well, supposedly he passed away in 1993, but would anyone be surprised if he still lived, as a zombie, or a vampire, or something? No, sure not me!

I never met Price, unsurprisingly, so I have no idea if he seemed really nice, or really creepy in real life. Most likely, it was all part of the act, but I really dont know. The other thing I really remember Price movies for, is something called the Tingler, which was a corny horror movie, from 1959, which involved a parasite that thrived on, and fed on human fear. In certain cinemas, a number of seats were primed with small electric shock devices, which were set off in co-ordination with the parasite feeding on people in the movie. Of course, the desired squeals, and screams from audience members were obtained. Yes, I’d love it, goes without saying. For more details

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Tingler

OK, video time. Whats the classic Vincent Price music movie moment? Why, Thriller, and the Rap, of course. I’m only posting the relevant scene here

But for those prepared to enjoy the whole 14 minutes, please find it here. Please note, normally I check a film is working before posting, but due to length, not done here. So if it sticks, dont moan at me!

A mermaid in her tail

Just to mention that 3 people at ‘The MC Garden’ deserve a special mention for this, known as Rosie, Kris, and Legion, though I know for sure that 2 have different names, and the third says she has, so who am I to think, or say otherwise?

Lets just say that Rosie has a mermaid fantasy that makes mine look tame, but comments seem to suggest that she has a parent who wouldnt approve of it, lol? Legion is a wonderful guy, has helped me a ton, and would probably get me a full body mermaid suit (I couldnt do a bikini at 61), including tail, if he could easily do so, and had the spare cash laying around. Kris is just a nice guy who looks like the singer in the video,  though I’m sure he’d deny it.

I think its fair to say at this point that the origin of my back problems goes back before my more serious brain issues, and just to remind people, the spine got damaged, bit of a fracture, and hurt a lot. Then my brain went AWOL, and took my mobility with it. The irony being that the actual back pain has lessened since then. But walking, oh please, no chance. As some might also remember, when I could get around, I was doing a flotation pod thing, to take the pressure off my spine, which was great, but now I cant get across town, ah well…

The mermaid look tends to go 2 ways, both of which end in a tail, which I must admit, would be fun. One is what I’m going to call the Ariel look, which we can call bikini and tail, which might be fine if you’re young, with a good figure, and looks. No, at my age, not going to happen.

No, before you mention it, I’m not even considering the no bra look, lol 😛

The more practical look for a ‘mermaid’ of my age is the one where the tail sort of melds into a ‘swimsuit’ or extended tail, that covers you up, and supports you (critical for me), all the way over the cleavage! Yes, that would sort my spine out, being held in place like that! The big snag, even if I had it, given that I dont live in a tropical paradise, would be where to wear it. They might say otherwise, but I dont see your average public pool letting someone in the water in full mermaid garb!

Might actually be great fun in the flotation pod, but I would either need to be ‘tossed’ into the pod by someone, or I would need to literally get into it by the pod, and flop back into it. Would need to get out of suit before getting out, but hey, you do it in private, so…?

But yes, I must admit, doing that, even only for a photo shot would be a whole lot of fun! So if anyone is offering…

The video is one of those songs, that at least here in the UK, was very much a one hit wonder. The song, and the video is quite crazy, but then again, so am I! And yes, the lead singer isnt Kris, but looks a lot like him!

Take my brain away?

OK, before we get started, let me just mention that it was 30 years ago today that Stonewall was founded to fight for the rights for LGBT people. I’ve done more justice to it on ‘my’ blog, but just wanted to mention it here. Things still are far from perfect, but better than 30 years ago, for sure.

However, that means I need a second blog subject, so I’m going to my old reliable, an EMCSA story, this one.

https://mcstories.com/Hostel/index.html

Go read it, its brilliant, and was only made more musing for me, in that a tease I got from the author at my interest in the whole East German spy thing, was that she came back with the Lincolnshire Poacher Number Station thing that I blogged about at the start of this month. Yes, clearly this is a British Author too, as they said it was one of ours! Oh, I wonder if she is still alive? I have my doubts (might be a reason they stopped, and presumably switched to something else?) she is, but who knows?

No, I definitely cant see me being turned into a sex bot now, or indeed even when I was much younger, and did indeed visit East Berlin in my mid 20’s, and no, I wasnt a spy receiving messages from ‘Lincolnshire Poacher’ either. It was an administration duty, but sport related, not spy related, but it will cost anyone a considerable sum of money (would be handy) to find out exactly what. So secret, but not top secret, lol.

Well, I dont remember being brainwashed to either act as a sex kitten, or a spy for the East German government, but I suspect I wouldnt be meant to remember it if I had! But OK, fine, would I love to be part of all those events, of course I would.

Funniest fact, thats the only time I’ve ever been to Germany in my life! So yes, never been to what would have been regarded as West Germany back then, crazy stuff! Yes, East Berlin was all I got to see! And no, I dont remember being taken to a hostel, either! Would love to visit Germany, just before the Hitler era, the excesses of the Weimar era were supposedly quite something.

Sadly, I’m sure the chances of me being a sleeper spy, are as likely as my chances of being a sleeper robot, though the latter might explain the brain failures of late, lol?

OK, the video. The group is Berlin (connection), and the song title is very similar to the blog one, though the blog one is the more sinister one. A live performance, no less!

Suitable home town for an LGBT lady?

One of the things I’ve got into on You Tube since my brain failure gave me more time to view these things, is those silly 10 places you should/shouldnt do various things in. One guy I really enjoy is someone by the name of Briggs, who does these things. They tend to be lengthy, (as in more than 5 minutes) but tend to be amusing, and informative to me about places in the US that I really ought to see/live in, and about places I really need to avoid at all costs. If I can find the relevant one easily, I’ll post it after the song.

Anyway, of late he’s been doing a couple about affordable towns/cities in the US that you might actually want to live in. Well, given I’m going to (almost certainly) need to do medical retirement anytime soon, these hold special appeal to me. OK, 2 issues, the big one being that I dont currently have the right to live permanently in the US, due to being British, and I dont see Dopey Don letting me do that in the near future, and besides with my medical issues getting worse, its not the ideal country for me, lets face it.

The snag with most of these affordable places for me, even if I could move there? Well, lets say that to my eyes, and ears, most of them are not in what you would term LGBT friendly states. So given he asks for ideas for future videos, I mentioned that a more LGBT friendly list of this kind might be handy. I also mentioned that it was a shame that 2 of the towns suggested (which sounded nice) were in an area of interest to me. One was McPherson, in Kansas, the other was Muskogee, Oklahoma, which isnt a million miles from Clara Johnson country.

Anyway, along with a few less than charming words about my comments, someone made this comment

Oklahoma City, and Kansas City are as liberal/diverse as NYC

 

Now maybe I’d be safer in this area than the ‘bible belt south’, (not hard with what Alabama and Georgia have been passing of late), but as diverse as NYC? Maybe these 2 big cities are approaching that, but the surrounding area, including Muskogee isnt? Or is Muskogee fine, really? I must admit, I had no issues in KC, survived fine in Cherryvale, for a visit, but to live in the area? Fine, given my residence issues, living there is only hypothetical, but now I’m curious. I’d love feelings from ‘locals’ (if any see this) on this whole matter.

But yes, I hope this is the only time in my life I’m ever accused of being a right wing, white racist bigot! Mind, there was the Lillian Gish, movie history issue recently, too, so who knows, lol?

OK, video time. Given I then went and checked out Muskogee on Wikipedia, I found out there was a song about the place, so guess what you’re getting. Maybe Clara wont be the only Okie in the physical line yet!

Who’s going to fly you home?

I just hope no one takes this as bad taste, given where the death happened, but seriously, with what his extra challenge in life was,  its just all too apt.

Yesterday was the day, in an ideal world, I would have been in Pine Bush, New York, for their UFO based celebration event. Its fair to say that even if my brain hadnt gone faulty a couple of months ago, I probably wouldnt have got there this year. Assuming that I’m still permitted to fly to the US post neurologist visit next month, it might remain on the calendar for next year, and being realistic, it doesnt look like I will need to book time off work by then. Money might be more of an issue, so if a passing alien has a space in a flying saucer heading to the event then, yes, I’d love to hitch a ride! Hey, having to wear (temporary, or permanent) a full body alien body suit would only be seen as a bonus. But yes, if I do it, regardless of any spacecraft, a really good alien bodysuit will be an absolute must!

Therefore there was a certain amount of irony this morning when I got up, switched on the laptop to discover that one of the most famous Ufologist’s, Stanton Friedman had passed away yesterday at the age of 84. Why the earlier comment? Well, he passed away at Toronto Airport, on his way home from giving a talk. No, he was flying on a standard plane, honest he was!

Never heard of him? Well, in all likelihood, without him, we would never have had the theory of the Roswell incident, back in 1947, when of course its supposed an Alien space craft crashed near Roswell, New Mexico, and the US Government tried to cover it all up. Even today, over 70 years on, the whole area is shrouded in secrecy. No, I wasnt on that craft, but if, according to Eric at least, any of my relatives were, is an entirely different matter, lol! In truth, I doubt we will ever know if they did, or didnt, lets face it.

He worked on classified projects for many years, so if anyone knew, or suspected it was true, he’d be high on the list of candidates.

So RIP Mr Friedman, probably the closest we’ve ever coming to discovering more about the Roswell Incident, and now probably ever will.

I know, the song is about driving home, not flying, but it still rhymes. The other thought I had, looking at the video, at the end of Mental Health Awareness week, is just how apt it is for that too.

She lives! She moves!

The irony of these seizures has been the fact that not all the effects have been negative. The first ones, back in March may have done nothing for the state of my brain, but it eased the pain in my back. Now whether this is because somewhere along the line it pushed something in my spine almost back into place, who knows? But yes, fine, I’d rather have a painful back, and a fully functioning brain, than this. The funny thing was, even though my back hurt less, it did nothing for my mobility, in fact making it far worse than it was. So whether something else somewhere wrecks the process that helps me to walk, no idea?

Anyway, as you may have gather, seizure session 2 on Saturday seems to have bashed my brain a bit more, but improved my mobility! Again, no idea why, unless it related to above?

4-5 weeks back, I had to send off a report for work on my health, and in my stupidity, I thought I’d try to walk to the post box, and back, given its only about 400 yards round journey, albeit, with a fair slope involved. Yes, I did make it there and back, but it nearly killed me, I was shattered on return.

This week, I had to send off one of those sick note certificate things, to cover the first few days after the event, and I did the same. Well, I wouldnt call it a stroll, but yes, it didnt stretch me all that much. I’m not saying I’d want to walk miles, but a short distance, especially on a flat surface (that definitely isnt flat), I probably could.

Next Thursday is Euro Election Day here, for better or worse. Not commenting on which I feel, or who I might be supporting, need to be neutral. Its a bit further to walk, there is a bit of a slope (though not as steep as from post box) involved to get to voting place, but as its the only way I can get to vote (havent arranged postal voting for future yet), if its reasonable, I might just give it a go, as Ella will be away at the time, and Eric hasnt yet given me mobility wheelchair driving lessons! Probably not, it probably would be pushing my limits, but before this week, didnt even think it was possible. but now…?

So yes, as the blog title says, She lives (just), she walks (not awful in short bouts), but sadly, unlike the video attached, I havent been ‘reactivated’ with large amounts of electricity! The amusing thing is, the hospital I was taken to, is one of the local ones that does ECT treatments! But no ‘Bride of Frankenstein’ treatment for me, all the same. Ah well…

No, I dont think I want something quite that drastic done to me, though I do wonder if ‘resetting’ my brain that way would be the worst thing possible at present. But Trans-cranial Magnetic Stimulation, I just wonder if that might put things right, or at least help? Any thoughts, any offers? Yes, the video is that scene, from that film, and yes, I’d love to recreate it, regardless of any stimulation of any kind actually being used! Who me, jealous? You bet!

Spinning around, and around

Right, before we get to the serious stuff, you’re right, there was no blog over the weekend, sorry, but I was, err, otherwise engaged! Yes, had some more seizures on Saturday afternoon, and after 7 hours or so, they finally stabilised me enough to park me off to a hospital ward for the rest of the night. Gather I was fed a few drugs to keep me alive, but none of the illegal ones, lol! Was released yesterday afternoon, but was feeling a bit weak, so yes, stuff happens.

Its funny, because two subjects that have come up recently on Forums are the Avatars as per Surrogate movie, and Robot Clones from a dear man who knows I would enjoy that far too much done to me. Yes, if anyone can arrange, or even a straight robotisation, please contact me urgently, as I’m not sure how much longer this organic body will last!

But having got that out of the way…

Despite the fact that nowadays we have several hundred TV channels (when I was young, we had 2!), Eric couldnt find anything that took his fancy this afternoon, not even a show about my relatives (aliens, running joke, still desperately seeking a good alien suit for revenge), so he headed to his film collection, and went to an old favourite of his, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

The thing that struck me was that for all the praise we throw on the Berkeley musicals of the ’30’s (yes, they were brilliant), people do tend to forget some later spectaculars. And now, looking at that movie through ‘Clara Johnson’s’ eyes, its easy to spot just how cleverly the musical numbers were done in this. I’m not saying Buzby wouldnt have said ‘hold my beer’, and topped them, but they were pretty impressive all the same. But yes, the most incredible thing is, 50 years on, Dick Van Dyke is still a decent mover, considering his age. Its also pretty much a ‘who’s who’ of British acting class of that era too.

I could have picked any number of song routines from the film to impress you with, but I’m going to pick one where the clever stuff isnt done by Van Dyke, but by Sally Ann Howes. Yes, fine, dancing as the girl on the music box would be a whole lot of fun!

The lesser of 3 evils?

Here in the UK (before my US readers tell me I’ve got the wrong dates), next week is Mental Health Awareness Week. I know, so in theory I should blog this next week, but given how reliable my memory is at present, lets get it written up while I remember it. I know, I could store it, but I need to post something tonight, and time is running short, so…

I suppose, relating to me, its how you define mental health. If you relate it purely to depression type issues, then I dont have a mental health issue. If you relate it more generally to any way in which your mind is functioning less than perfectly, then yes, I do have mental health issues! Just that ironically, until I am able to actually see a Neurologist (NHS, 18th June at present), I have no idea what it is. Given that 3 separate medical people (or set of people) have told me I wont be working again, I assume its pretty serious, but exactly what, who knows? If anyone has the money to let me see a neurologist privately, or someone wants to offer said services for free, sooner?

Funnily enough, it was only this morning that I was reading about Emilia Clarke (Game Of Thrones, I gather, never seen it) having suffered 2 brain aneurysms, and then having memory issues, though it doesnt seem to have done her acting career too much harm, but she’s a lot younger, and probably a lot more talented than me (certainty, but dont want people biting my head off, lol), but good for her for doing so. No, I’m not saying thats what happened to me, but the more I read, the more concerned I get. I also read something about what my limited knowledge (and Wikipedia) leads me to, is that what happened to me can easily knock 10 years off your lifespan. Fine, if I’m that busted, that may not be a bad thing, but anyway…

As those who have been around for a while will know, a few years back, I wrote a story relating to the use of ECT. No real experience, but no reviewer said I got it all wrong, so maybe I got it roughly right? 400 volts plus, maybe I’ll still pass (though now less to damage), but a low volt research test, well, maybe? No, story is written, so probably shouldnt.

One thing I have seen mentioned since then in more ways than just a depression cure is something called Transcrancial Magnetic Stimulation (or rTMS, repetitive) which is done with magnets, albeit pretty powerful ones, which does far less memory damage, which is good, goes on for longer, and can be done while awake (both good for me), and therefore probably a lot wiser to give a try. Well, some private clinic in London (so no use to me money, or location wise) was advertising the benefits of this rTMS thing, and I was just wondering if it might ease, or cure some, or more, of my memory issues? Yes, fine, would be fun to find out, for sure.

I do know my mobility has gone to pieces since the seizures, but I’m assuming thats relating to the part of my brain that was damaged by the seizures. I know, I couldnt walk miles, but I could do 1/2 mile or so, currently even a few hundred yards is too much of a challenge!

So yes, I probably would give rTMS a go, though pass on ECT. At the same time, I’m not going to do anything until after I’ve seen the neurologist, and hopefully get the full picture, arent I good? Though fine, having my mind ‘zapped’ in that way appeals no end!

So yes, think about Mental Health Awareness Week (UK) next week, and just remember that mental health isnt just about depression (though that is a major issue), but so much more as well.

OK, video time. Yes, cynical choice. Hard to believe this is nearly 50 years old, and no this 14 year old (as I was at that time), was not among the dancers, I only wish I was!

Camping fashion?

No, seriously, this has nothing to do with camping, tents, or anything like that. In truth, a couple of these are suitable for a robot look for me, the other 2, well a chorus line dancer like Clara Johnson probably wore something just like these, especially given some of the strange outfits (or lack of outfits) that she was expected to wear.

Seems that last night, the Met Gala happened, with a ‘Camp clothing’ theme, though I have no idea where my invite went missing? No, I havent got the capacity, or time to show you all the crazy outfits, and I think 4 is being pretty wild, but anyway, yes, I would love to wear any of these, given the chance, in my size!

Lets not waste time, lets get down to the 2 robot ones. Seriously, the first one looks just like a robot being charged by electricity. The other is a ‘tamer’ silver dress, but still wouldnt shame a robot, all the same.

silver dress2silver dress

In truth, the first of these looks just like something that chorus line girls (almost) wore all too often in the musicals, and the second looks like something out of a crazed Berkeley, or De Mille moment

30's showgirlred dress

Oh darlings, I’d love to wear any of those, and please don’t ask me to choose! First silver one if I really must, but any, or all…swoon!

Oh to be famous, and to get to invited to events like this, and wear outfits like these, but anyway…

OK, video time. Live Bowie, says it all!